Eid-ul-Azha aka Bakra Eid is here, so Eid Mubarak. While your house street and the entire colony, for that matter, are adorned with never-ending streams of bakray ka khoon, you can sense the incoming mutton/beef dishes including kaleji ka salan, paye and what not. If you’re someone who doesn’t indulge in those meaty delights life tends to slow down for you and the Eid days never seem to end. It seems like eternity after you finally get to see and taste chicken.
Here is a list of some of the oft-repeated things you get to hear if, God forbid, you do not like mutton or beef:
1. You dread the onslaught of mutton, beef, kalejis and payees – EVERY single Eid-ul-Azha.
2. Every uncle or aunty you meet will take it upon themselves to counsel you into eating more mutton and beef because “agay ja kar bachay kaise paida hon gay?“
3. Your musalmaniat is always at stake.
“Astagfirullah, so you mean to say Eid-ul-Azha is a pointless occasion that Allah just imposed on us?“
“No Sherlock, that is not what I meant. I just don’t like mutton or beef.“
4. You tend to freeze Eid se aik din pehle ka khana for yourself because you do not want to munch on kalejis the whole next day, without having no rescue plan.
5. If you are lucky enough to find the chawal-gosht combo at a family dawat, it is very likely that you will end up eating rice alone with sad old water to wash it all down.
6. Seeing your miserable state, the aunties are most likely to suggest you to have shorba only which too is tainted with the same meat you hate.
“Beta, botiyan rehne do, shorba le lo sirf.“
7. Family BBQs are your worst nightmare. You just stand in a corner like a wet cat who has nowhere to go.
8. Uncles and male cousins are unable to comprehend as to why you cannot have tikkas.
“Lekin, ye tou grilled hai beta.“
“I swear, I am aware uncle. It is still mutton.“
9. While the rest of the cousins are just like “Aww look, the burger bachi is here.”
10. You have become habitual at listening to long lectures on how animals are here to serve human beings and you are indirectly disobeying God for defying his orders.
Khuda ka wasta Aunty and Ammi, eating mutton is not mandatory.
11. Your parents, khalas, mamis and mamus leave no stone unturned in guilt-tripping you for being an absolute na-shukri who cannot thank God for the blessings he has endowed you with.
12. If that is not enough, all the females in your family take it upon themselves to describe how horrible child-birth is going to be for you because your diet is not adequate enough.
13. At the end of the day, you power through all the taanay because you know you will get your chicken soon.
Cover Image via: Indian Express