They say a diamond is a girl’s best friend. I beg to differ – for every Pakistani girl, a Nani is your best friend. These priceless rocks not only keep the family together, but create an irreplaceable bond with their grandchildren with their love….and well, ahem, money too! They tend to spoil you to the core with their wallets and cooking.
1. Gimme Some Sugga’
Whether you’re five or twenty-five, your nani will make sure that you get your daily/weekly/monthly dose of sugar, darling. Chocolates are her area of specialty along with that yummy yummy kheer she makes on Eid, both of which are served in endless quantities. Ever wondered why you feel high in Nani’s house? Sugar rush betay, sugar rush….
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2. Clean Is Never Clean Enough For Her
Nano knows you’re clean, but no matter how well provided you are for everything that you are wearing will be in the laundry with the statement that ‘phenko, subah dhul jaye ga!’ She will make sure that by morning everything of yours is ready to wear, all clean and shiny. If nanis could help it, they’d throw us in the machine as well.
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3. Personal Trainer
So here’s how it goes, Mama will say ‘Seedha chalo, kub nikal aya hai!’ or ‘Kamra saaf rakho.’ She won’t show you how to do it, though. However, Nano is so damn cool, she will say it and then show you exactly how it’s done, like a boss. She will strip and polish you, till you’re shining like her.
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4. Roz Eid Hai
Boys and girls, you all know how it is to step out of the house when you’re with nano…. Jab Eid hai toh Eidi and when it’s not Eid, well there’s still Eidi. She’s the person you run to for loans that are never meant to be repaid. She’ll take you to any shop or restaurant and will let you buy any thing you want, even if it costs her an arm and a leg. Her wallet is much like the bag we all remember from Mary Poppins, endless! Long live nano and her butwa.
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5. What happens in Nani’s house, stays in Nani’s house
Shit’s as real in her house as it is in Vegas, so save it. You can eat at odd hours, not sleep at odd hours and gobble up all the sugga’ you want. In addition to that you can get high on that sugga’ and party it up with her, as much as you want. Highlight of the entire party is that the lady never says ‘NO!’ and it all remains as a secret.
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6. PDA
Well we all know how public displays of affection work, but with Nanis, they like taking everything to the next level. They won’t care if you’re so old that you can’t fit in her lap or that her constant kisses in front of a bunch of people will only make you awkward, she will go ahead and do it any way. Saans ruk jata hai once she’s done with you.
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7. Muft Ki Therapy
Nano isn’t like your parents who will try to get their point across through endless arguments that end with ‘tum toh ho hi nalaik’. Instead she will try and reach common ground with you by sharing a personal experience and joking about it. Her banter is to put you at ease, while her story is to show you the right path. Learn from it. She’ll offer a chocolate to cheer you up!
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8. Khandani Rivaj
Nano’s cupboard beholds all the wonders of the world. Within it lies the most precious things that have been passed down from generation to generation and you know one day you will be given something as priceless as ever, by her. Be it jewels or an expensive watch that her father owned, they’ll soon be yours, things to remember her by. Bling bling.
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9. Khandaan Ki MasterChef
Nanis and their famous lines like ‘Kintay kamzor hogaye ho sab!’ both never get old. She will go out of her way to cook extra aloo keema so that she can stuff it down your face. The word ‘no’ and ‘bas pait bhar gya’ do not exist in her dictionary.
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10. Secret Keeper
She knows more secrets of yours than your own best friend, dude, and she’s one person who will always keep your ‘raaz’! Nani is your go-to-person when you’re in trouble, be it for cash or to get you out of a mess with your Ami and Abu, or want to get them scolded by her, she’s the Don! To add a cherry on the top, she’ll help you bury your secrets instead of digging them up.
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11. Super Woman
Nano can not only save you from your parents, but she can also save you from life threatening dilemmas….like a fashion emergency or that rishtedaar ki shaadi that you did not want to go to. Thus, helping you dodge the bullet and proving that not all superheroes wear capes, some make do with dupattas.
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12. Fashion Police
More than your friends, your Nani knows what’s in and what’s out in the world of fashion. Why? Well, because she’s on her iPad all day, looking at every possible thing that she can and tagging you in embarrassing posts. If you’re going out with her and she does not approve….Mission abort, I repeat, mission abort. She’ll send you back in and fix it up to make you look classy, just like her!
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13. Mine’s the Best
Nano will make sure she praises you wherever she goes, making certain of the fact that their grandchild is way better than the others. She will find pride in ever little silly thing that you do and will be ever ready about disowning her own children just because you’re her ‘ladla’.
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14. The Reason Behind Your Good Grades
It’s almost like Nani has Allah on WhatsApp…. or something, no? Had it not been for her duas and tasbeehs before our ‘imtehaans’, most of the Pakistani population would’ve ended up as nalaiks, just as their parents had predicted. However, thanks to this lady, achay numberon ki dua knows no boundaries!
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From Nano’s cooking to that fat butwa of hers, she has proven to generations of Pakistani kids of how and why she is your ultimate best friend. Your relationship with your Nani will never get old, just like she won’t! *Wink*