Relationships are cute. Relationships are messy. You can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. And that is the way of the world. Cheating, however, is something you should never, ever, ever, ever do. Having said that, there are some situations where it’s totally cool and perfectly acceptable to cheat (sort of). Whether you’re haggling for a steal or taking sneaky trips to the fridge before going to bed, some days require a bit of naughty business. And so, this one’s to those moments of weakness.
1. Cheating on your siblings by hogging their leftover food
There’s always that sticky household rule where you can’t have your brother’s leftover chinese food because there must be order. I say, shove those rules out the window. Sure there will be hell to pay in the morning but, uski kismet mein yeh chowmein nai tha. Microwave the leftovers, pop a can or two of Coca-Cola Zero. Live a little.
2. Cheating on a paper
Desperate times ask for desperate measures. No one’s endorsing copying your class theta’s whole exam but you gotta do what you gotta do to avoid your dad’s look of disappointment or your ammi’s chappal. Keep a little code for MCQs, just be sure to not get caught. đ
3. Cheating on your meal plan
Either you want a body like Iman Ali or you want Iman Ali. Period. So, you start lifting weights, eating skinny, counting how many steps you’ve taken in the day. But some days, it’s okay to throw your cabbage crust pizza that tastes like feet and order the real pepperoni pizza. While you’re cheating on your diet, take comfort in the fact that at least Coca-Cola Zero won’t be messing with your resolve.
4. When being weighed at the doctor’s office
As if it wasn’t embarrassing enough to live with yourself and look at your wobbly bits in the mirror, don’t you just hate it when they do silly things like making you get on the weighing scale in the hospital? The trick is to automatically round off your weight and report a figure five pounds lighter because you must fight for your honor.
5. Cheating on your darzi
Everybody knows Master saab will take his sweet time for getting your sherwani ready for bhai’s walima or that tulip shalwar you absolutely have to strut in during the next kitty party. Thorra sa safaid jhoot tou chalta hee hay and so, you give him a false date and keep a couple days cushion. NO big deal.
6. During a game of Ludo
Ludo mein pugna is not tact or skill or strategy, some days, it is the harder than rocket science. Especially when you’re playing against a bunch of annoying pricks we all know as cousins. Getting a six on the dice is already such a challenge, you have to pull some strings every once in a while kyunkay izzat ka sawaal hay.
7. On your friends
With new friends or that one time when you brought one of them a secret gift from your trip abroad, baqiyon ko gol hee kerdia.
8. Faking medical slips to get out of a tough exam
Someone I know once went for a jog on a hot summer’s day before going to the campus nurse to get a 103 temperature reading and a doctor’s note on the day of a tough exam. You know what happened to the girl? She got an A in that course. Doesn’t sound half bad, if you ask me.
9. Cheating on your saving’s plan
Save 20% of your income or allowance, they said.
Party on the beaches of Ibiza with your friends or go stargazing in Hunza with your boyfriend, you said.
Making memories > Savings plan. Always.
10. On the dukaan wala for a sweeeeeeet discount
Practice your favorite lines in front of the mirror: “Bhai saab, yeh mein pocket money se le reha hoon, thorra discount tou banta hay”
Works like a charm and is definitely not haram.
11. On your bae by checking out the girl next door
Remember, you can look but you can’t touch.
Sponsored by Coca-Cola Zero.