What If Batman Was A Pakistani?

By Ahmed Nad | 17 Sep, 2016

Batman is a muscular and charismatic character, created by DC Comics, who has a large fan base of millions around the world. His mysterious moves and unique costumes have become a symbol of power. His persona demands reverence. Many argue that he is the greatest action super hero even though he doesn’t have any super powers (except his brain).

Now imagine, what would happen if Batman was a crime fighter in Pakistan?

 

The increasing crime rates in Pakistan warrant a superhero, no doubt about that. However, would Batman be able to use his extraordinary powers to stop con artists and terrorists from creating more mayhem?

 

Would Batman be able to adapt to Pakistan’s environment and strike fear among criminals? What would be some issues that Batman would experience? And could the caped crusader succeed?

 

1. Issues with his Batmobile

If Batman was deployed to stop the blood-curdling criminals, for instance, the worst problem for him would be the roads leading to the crime scene. How would he get around in Pakistan’s traffic with traffic lights often not working? What would he do during Shaadi season when traffic can be blocked by a barat?

He would be forced to reach the place by foot, without most of his equipment (considering he is leaving the Batmobile behind and that has a lot of his gadgets).

Here’s to hoping that he doesn’t get shot on the way up.

kati-pahari

 

2. Trouble with his wardrobe

Pakistan is a very warm country, especially when compared to Gotham City. Batman may have to stop wearing his heavy armored suit and opt for an outfit made from shalwar kameez type material. Wearing black clothes, in this weather, all the time, will leave the hero drowning in his own sweat and in constant need of a change of clothes.

sun

 

3. Difficulty with his mask

Batman’s mask will never produce the same terror amongst criminals and terrorists in Pakistan, as it does in Gotham City. Many would think of him as a joke.

For Pakistan, Batman might have to sacrifice his mask and switch to wearing a black turban, accompanied with a niqaab to hide his identity. Now that would definitely be scary.

laughing

 

4. Pakistan’s sense of humor

The detrimental social-political scenario here has given us, Pakistanis, a somewhat questionable sense of humor. Disturbing incidents, that would normally make a person cringe in discomfort, are not taken as seriously as they should be because people are so used to them happening.

Therefore, a superhero in a bat costume will stand little chance against the witty Pakistani audience. Not only would he be not taken seriously, he would be made fun off with witty puns and a cunning sense of humor.

The Faisalabadis will have a field day on his expense.

 

humour

 

5. The Bat signal

Karachi does not have too many skyscrapers, unlike Gotham. The only ones we do have are the likes of Bank Al Habib’s head office and the Ocean Mall. I don’t see how either of those buildings would serve the purpose of accommodating the bat signal  machine; the owners of these buildings would probably charge a phenomenal sum of money.

Also, what would happen if there wasn’t any electricity? How would Batman see the bat signal? Game over.

 

bat-signal

 

6. Mobile phone theft

Mobile phone thefts happen almost every day, multiple times during the day. If Batman focuses his energy on the multiple amount of petty street crimes that take place, he will never be able to concentrate on any of the bigger issues!

Also, these thefts usually take place in different areas, far away from each other. It would take Batman ages to reach the crime scene.

mobile

 

7. Fuel problems 

Batmobile probably has a CNG kit. But the problem is, almost every other day, there’s a CNG strike . If Batman has to go on an emergency mission during a CNG strike, he would have to find some other mode of travel; I would have suggested the auto rickshaw but even that runs on gas.

At least the good thing is petrol isn’t that expensive, for now.

 

cng

 

8. Health issues

Due to pollution and our spicy food, Batman will no longer be able to maintain a healthy lifestyle and hence, won’t be as strong as he needs to be. Indigestion may take over his life and we can’t have a superhero yell out during a fight,

“TWO MINUTES! I need to go to the bathroom first!”

pollution

 

9. Issuance of Fatwas

Since the clerics are in the habit of issuing Fatwas on everything that probably comes in their sight, it could be expected that Batman will have to face some kind of fatwa probably because of skipping prayers as he will busy in his mission. 

diesel

 

 

As citizens of Pakistan we sometimes feel helpless seeing the situation of the nation. Every day is a challenge, everything is a challenge, and we are pushed to the limit everyday just to survive.

Complaining comes easy to all of us. But now it’s time to stop waiting for a messiah to magically come in and make all our problems go away.What matters instead is that we are given role models that exemplify what we know we SHOULD morally do, but what we often CANNOT make ourselves do. We see somebody take the initiative and right the wrongs, despite the dangers to themselves.

If Bruce Wayne becomes Batman to deal with the death of his family and avenge his city, suddenly my petty quarrels seem even less significant. Sometimes we need superheroes to remind us that we can’t give up on the world, on other people, or on ourselves.


Source: Giphy

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