Pakistani Students Association, or PSA as most of us here call it, is what it sounds like; a group of Pakistani students coming together on campus. We aim to plan events that bring us closer as students and peers. We do this through dancing to Bollywood music (but now to more Pakistani songs as they come out) and dressing up in chamkeelay clothes. Since there are over 100 of these groups all over North America, it becomes kind of unavoidable to not have the typical PSA characters.
1. The poster boy
The Fawad Khan of the group, if you will. His perfectly chiseled bice-features.. and magnificently coiffed hair might be the reason you joined. He’s definitely the reason everyone comes to the events.
2. The patriot
If you ever go out for dinner, they’ll bring up memories of Pakistan. Burns Road delicacies will be remembered and your appetite will be lost. Your Facebook timeline will be flooded with pictures of Lahore after dark or Maya Ali’s face with some obscure Urdu writing that the rest of us are struggling to decode.
3. The princess
While the rest of us are lugging around chairs and are tangled up in fairy lights, bechari will be too weak to unfold a tablecloth all on her own. But her arms will be strong enough to lift her phone and balance the front camera at the perfect angle. #lovemyteam #psa2016.
4. The ghost
They were there at some point. Someone knows them. But they never reply to the messages or turn up to the meetings. They never physically exist but their essence surrounds us.
5. The bwois
Misogynistic jokes everywhere. Nobody is addressed by name, only by MC or BC. Poondi on the dancefloor.
6. The couple
Jaanu. Jaanu baby. Sho shweet. Instagram pictures in matching joras. Feeding each other. Ending the night in an argument and tears. Tragic.
7. Energizer bunny
They’re running around trying to get everything done. Book this location, call that group, did you get the center pieces, where is the DJ?? Every event goes from 0 – 100 real quick.
8. Chill yaar
The mediator. The peacekeeper. When things get heated, they cool them down.
They’re aware they’re desi. But they’re also aware they’re not. They won’t get your anday wala burger reference. But when you least expect it, they’ll have the loudest cheer in a game against India.
10. Junaid Jamshed
This music is haram. These sleeveless outfits are haram. Why are we listening to Baby Doll Soney Di… put Tajdar e Haram on. Valentine’s Day event? Dimagh set hai? Fatwas are handed out like party favours with this guy. Why do we even need a PSA when we have an MSA?
11. The plug
They know everyone. You need a performer? Asif chacha knows a guy. You need to book a hall? Usman bhai can help. No matter what you need, the plug will be able to use their network and get it for you. How they know everyone is beyond you. Maybe they’re a RAW agent.
12. The Reluctant Pakistani
Why can’t we just join up with ISA and create a SASA? Pakistan and India are basically the same thing aren’t they?
13. Token non-Pakistani member
Maybe they have a friend who always drags them along to PSA stuff. Maybe they’re dating someone in the PSA. Maybe they want to learn more about Pakistan. Maybe they just came for all the great free food. Or maybe they just accidentally showed up and can’t get up to leave because it’d be rude.
Which one are you?