Editor’s Note: The views expressed here are those of the author’s and don’t necessarily represent or reflect the views of MangoBaaz.
By: Sobhia Kamal Jamro
Ladies, you have been the cause of so much grief to innocent men in Pakistan. It’s time you learnt a lesson so here’s the ultimate guide for a shareef Pakistani girl to behaving properly when out in public.
Here you go:
1. Cover your head.
No, I don’t care if you “dont want to do it”. Stop whining. A decent lady always covers her head when out in public. Why are you testing the patience of men? Then you’re going to complain that they ‘harassed’ you? Well, you asked for it! Better yet: wear a scarf, like you see all these nice, decent, seven-year-olds doing it. They’re the ones who’re actually going to find achay susraal.
2. JEANS AND TIGHTS ARE A BIG NO NO.
You must never let men know that women have legs. And if you must be the little slut that you are, wear shirts that are below the knees and make sure the chaaks are sewn all the way down to the hem. Men are very innocent, they do not know women have legs. It is our duty to keep it that way.
3. Wear shirts that always, ALWAYS cover your legs.
You know who wears shirts that are above the knees (astaghfirullah)? Whores. Even if it’s one inch above your knee, go back to your brothel. And then you’re going to come and complain about how men ‘ogle at your legs’. Of course they do, how can you blame them for being attracted to things they don’t even know existed?
4. Hide your hair.
NEVER, I repeat, NEVER go out with your hair open. Decent girls wear either ponytails, or chotis. You know what the women who wear their hair down are called? Yea, you do.
5. Make sure to put three layers of shirts over your chest.
DO NOT complain about people staring at your chest when you don’t have at least 3 layers of clothing covering it. It is YOUR duty to protect your izzat, even according to Islam. Yes, the men have a duty too, but they already do so much and have such terrible lives, they can’t be expected to take on even more responsbility.
6. Never complain.
Sometimes boys and men do touch your thigh or run a little hand along it when you’re sitting in a rickshaw on a busy road, but do you know who’s fault that is? YOURS. WHY WEREN’T YOUR LEGS COVERED WITH 3 LAYERS OF CLOTHING? And whatever, you liked it, stop pretending.
7. Lower your eyes and smile. Always.
The shopkeeper/rickshaw wala/bus wala didn’t touch your hand when handing you your change, you touched his.
At this point I’m literally considering renaming this to HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM DIRTY LITTLE SLUTS: A GUIDE FOR INNOCENT MEN.
8. Travelling alone in rickshaws isn’t scary, it’s all in your mind.
If it is scary for you, you are the one who’s in the wrong. You probably aren’t wearing the right clothes and you know you’re wrong. Men can’t help it if you’re sitting practically naked right behind them.
9. Never retort!
The bus wala touched you because you were wearing clothes that were too tight. Sit there quietly and stop crying or arguing about it, seriously.
10. Take compliments for what they are, appreciation by men for God’s beauty.
If men say ‘mashallah’ it’s not a ‘creepy, seductive’ way, as you describe it. And the songs the sing when they pass by you? You should be grateful they’re giving you a song. You’re such a slut and they’re still accepting you as a part of the society.
11. Never laugh in public.
Decent girls don’t do that. If you must, cover your mouth.
12. Most importantly: don’t even step out of the house.
Why do you even need to step out of the house? For “education”? You don’t need an education if this is what it’s teaching you. For your “job”? You left your child or his old mother at home for a “job” that’s only made you more besharam?
Stop trying to be a man. You are not and never will be as majestic as them.
Editor’s note: You know what this post was, right? Let’s spell it out: S-A-R-C-A-S-T-I-C.
About the Author: Sobhia believes she is is what you can never be, and she tweets at @anachronicmeme
Cover image via: The Citizen’s Foundation/Youtube