Studying journalism in university, I rarely encountered any Pakistani Canadian guys in my program. In fact, there were none in my year. But when I did meet them in other parts of the school, workplace, weddings or family get-togethers, I always found that they could, for many of them, be easily stereotyped into one or more of the below categories (sorry not sorry).
1. The Gym Junkie
Pumping dem irons all day everyday. Instagram videos of Mr. Popeye deadlifting 300lbs. Mirror selfies with shirt off. Arms flexed. Abs showing. Caption: Do you even lift? #CantStopWontStop
2. The Clubber
Winds down at Luxy Nightclub on weekends. Purchases Veld Music Festival tickets in advance every year. Instagram videos and Snapchats are the same: shaky camera footage, flashing neon lights, ravers jumping in perfect synchronization, fists pumping, electronic noise that may or may not be music.
3. Rich International Student
Mr. Flashy’s ameer abu is not only funding his tripled tuition fees but also down payment on a high-rise condo overlooking the lake, A cherry red 2017 Mercedez E-Class, Louis V luggage, and a Gucci belt with the oversized golden GG buckle for extra class.
4. The Sheesha Gang
Shamelessly pulls out pipes in the middle of campus while blasting Imran Khan’s “Imaginary.” Birthdays, bachelors, Friday nights, Tuesday nights, all nights spent at a sheesha lounge. Snapchats consist of individual taking a drag then releasing silky smoke in slow motion straight at the front camera lens. Instagram pictures: Proud demonstration of the O’s.
5. The Pakistani Hipster
Think tight skinny jeans, low cut V-neck t-shirt, denim jacket and long hair in low ponytail. Listens to The Beatles on vinyl record player from Urban Outfitters. Laughs at the name of Lollywood. “PSA events…ugh you go to those?” Can be seen at Friday night poetry slams.
6. The Pakistani Hood Man
He’s still living in 2008. Baggy pants hanging low, socks over jeans, white t-shirt with gold chains, snapback snapped on backwards. Hoots at every girl walking by with blunt in hand. Can be heard rapping to “All the way up” and seen in Instagram pictures throwing hand gang signs. #WestSide
7. The Mummy’s Chamcha
The spoiled brat whose mom still shops, does the laundry, or cleans for him. No decision in life can ever be made without mama’s input. Saying “no” to any of her demands is unquestionable. Will only eat “ammi ke haat ki roti” and marry “ammi ki pasand ki larki.”
8. The Innocent One
Or not. Known in the family as Mr. Shareef guy. Aunty’s charmer and Uncle’s homeboy. But outside of the family, Mr. Playboy has a main chick and a side chick too. Parent’s are visiting Pakistan? House party at this guy’s house! And we all know there’s going to be more than just mingling and music.
9. The Maulvi
Conversations with them are short lived to non-existent. But when you do exchange a few sentences, you’re confused as to whether or not you should also lower your gaze like they have. And God forbid you ever make eye contact mid sentence. Most. Awkward. Moment. Ever.
10. The Big Shot
The Tom Cruise of the family. His problem: he knows he’s attractive. Milks all the attention he can. Knows when a girl is checking him out. Inquire about him and you’ll be bombarded with stories of all the girls that want his rishta. Humility? Relatable personality? Who needs that? You’ll often see his ammi ji pinching his cheeks and boasting, “mera cheetah, mera sher.”
All jokes aside, shout out to all the Pakistani guys for just being themselves.
Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments!