The disgust, sorrow and rage pent up inside my mind as I write this knows no bounds. The comments posted on social media platforms, the individuals who believe that this was justified and the man who perpetrated this crime – everything flashes before me as I try to compose myself enough to put my scrambled thoughts into a coherent piece.
I feel angry at Qandeel Baloch’s brother, who obviously considered his honor to somehow be intertwined with his sister’s words, apparel and the way she conducted herself.
I feel infuriated that he thought he could play God and get away with it, that he looked his sister in the eye – a woman who has been through immense emotional turmoil, as was brought forth, quite recently, by media outlets, and he thought that she deserved to die for being loud, different and bold – because her way of life was apparently an insult and a dishonor to his.
I feel repulsed and disgusted by and at myself and anyone else I collaborated with in order to laugh at Qandeel Baloch.
She put herself out there for millions to judge, and judge her they did, often to maddening extents where she confessed that she received death threats and a ridiculous amount of hate.
How dare I think that I had the right to laugh at her for being everything that I am not? She was bold, she had more courage than I ever would have had, to do what she wanted to do, and I laughed at her for it. I cannot apologize to her, I cannot take any of it back and obviously, I cannot repent, for she’s gone. I had no right to laugh at her – no one did. She was eccentric, she was honest, she was everything that none of us have ever been. She put herself out there for millions to judge, and judge her they did, often to maddening extents where she confessed that she received death threats and a ridiculous amount of hate. How dare we propel her, or anyone else, into a such a black hole of despair and ruin? What right did any of us have? How was our honor, respect or integrity tied with her actions? She was one individual, we are a whole nation. And we let her down.
I feel a red hot rage towards anyone who says that she deserved it or that the world is better without her.
Nobody will ever deserve to be talked down to, oppressed or shot dead for the way they choose to conduct themselves. She wasn’t inciting terrorism. She wasn’t propagating corruption. Yet, those who do, rule us, control us and people like her are slain in the name of honor. What an absolute shame. Nobody deserves such an end. She deserved better. The countless, nameless, faceless women in villages or even cities, who are tossed into the arms of death by family or a society that considers them a dishonor – all of them deserve better. And we have let each and every single one of them down. Shame on us.
A wave of sorrow and despair takes over when I think about women in this country
It is a terror to be born a woman in a country neck deep in misogyny, sexism and naysayers who refuse to believe in the existence of either of the aforementioned tragedies.
We are raped, oppressed or silenced because, apparently, our genitals are a curse. Our genitals guarantee a life of oppression, from the most minor to the most major ways. When we try to speak up, when we try to highlight these issues through feminism or talking about female empowerment, we are told to stop hating men, to stop making everything about women and that things are not as terrible as we make them out to be. It is a terror to be born a woman in a country neck deep in misogyny, sexism and naysayers who refuse to believe in the existence of either of the aforementioned tragedies.
I weep for Qandeel Baloch – a woman, who in her last hours, could not even turn to her family for support, for her own family shot her in cold blood. Qandeel Baloch is not a symbol of shame in my eyes, she was and will always be a symbol of uniqueness and courage. We may not have agreed with her, we may not have liked her, but we could never shop talking about her. People work relentlessly for fame of that sort – Pakistan handed it to her while she lay on her bed making videos for the world to watch.
Rest in power, Qandeel Baloch. You deserved better.
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