Some women decide that having children is not for them. This is often problematic in our society because women here, as soon as they get married, are pressurized into having children. The option of not wanting to have children is never actually entertained.
We got in touch with a few women and asked them why they opted for not having children.
The reasons vary for each woman. And mind you, please read the following statements with no preconceived notions about women who do not have children.
1. I just don’t feel like being a mother, not yet at least
“I am a woman in my late thirties and have not had children since I got married. I still do not want kids and I am pretty certain that this decision is not going to change. Some of us just do not feel like being mothers.”
2. “I feel that I did not have to prove that I am a caring human being by being a mother. Caring for other people is an inherent part of me.”
3. We’re enjoying ourselves, just the two of us
“My husband and I enjoy our lives on own our own. Several keep telling us that it is just a phase and will be over but there has never been a day when it felt like a phase. We feel that our marriage is complete even without children.”
4. Being a woman does not mean I need to have children
“Just because I am a woman does not mean I have to be a mother. I get offended when people keep on asking me again and again about kids.”
5. Have witnessed other people having babies and don’t want to go through it
“I have witnessed how people’s lives have changed after they had babies. We just did not want to go through those changes.”
6. “It was not one particular reason. It was a chain of events that ultimately led me to the decision of not having babies.”
7. Don’t want that kind of responsibility
“My husband and I want to experience life without babies and have things to do and aims to achieve. We did not want this kind of responsibility in our lives.”
8. “I am not going to have children because somebody else wants a grandchild or a nephew or niece.”
9. Afraid of childbirth
“I am afraid of the pain that I will go through during child birth and I don’t want to go through it.”
10. The world is a dangerous place
“The world is a very sad and dangerous place. I do not want to bring more people into it.”
If, deep down, you feel you don’t want to have children here’s why it’s not a defect in you if you don’t want to have children
We got in touch with a psychologist to discuss whether or not women who make this choice are opting for the right option. Here is what she had to say:
“All of us make certain choices in life. Based on those choices we experience certain things and miss out on the others. Same is the case with women who do not want to have babies. If according to people they are missing out on something important, people who do choose to have babies also miss out on many things in life. There is no particular way in which life must be led. Just because someone is a woman does not automatically mean that they need to have children. So if someone decides to go with this option, their choice must be respected. We cannot force anyone to live life like we want to. And there is nothing psychologically wrong with a woman choosing to not have babies. It does not, in any way, mean that they are not thankful about what they have in life. Everyone, while making decisions in their lives, understands the opportunity cost of the situation. We need to give them their space and not label it as a ‘phase’.”
Let’s all try to be more understanding and accommodating of the choices that people make around us, especially when it’s something as personal as having or not having children.
Cover image via huffingtonpost.ca