This is What You Can Expect at a Big Fat Pakistani Wedding

By Ali Gul | 29 Aug, 2015

Weddings in Pakistan are a very unique and entertaining experience. After attending thousands of weddings, you start figuring out that there’s a similar pattern of people and activities at each wedding. Here’s a guide for what to expect at the next Pakistani wedding you attend.

Aunty Squad


Source: tumblr

Desi aunties do two things, gossip and find/arrange rishtas. Any single college graduate who has interacted with an aunty during a wedding would know what aunties are capable of doing. This applies more to single women than men; however, in most cases men are also not spared.

 

Unlucky Number 30


Source: BuzzFeed

If you’re 30 and still haven’t met your lifetime partner, people start questioning things about you. If the pressure of the family isn’t enough, aunties make things worse by making it their lifelong quest to find your perfect rishta.

 

The Bling Ammunition


Source: tumblr

The bride, female family members and guests all wipe the dust off their lockers and wear all the jewellery one can possibly put on a human body. Since robbing a banks is hard, robbers have the option of making it big from a wedding.

 

Poondi Masters


Source: tumblr

In Pakistan, the best place to do poondi is during dance practices or at a wedding. Expect not only women, but men to put on their best outfits and act cool (as if everyone is checking them out).

 

Dance War


Source: menxp

After a month of poondi, the friends of the bride and groom finally get to show their skills and fight over who danced better. If we’re being honest, both sides tend to kind of suck. Don’t trust the aunties when they tell you the dance was amazing. Remember: they’re on a mission!

 

Tharki Uncles


Source: tumblr

Girls, if you show your stomach or cleavage, you will be bound to attract unwanted attention of creepy uncles and snickering aunties. Maybe the aunties should be keeping an eye on them rather than on the rishta opportunities or outfits.

 

Game of Food

Source: Tumblr

Sit close to the food area, open the belt holes, loosen your drawstring on your shalwar and lastly…ATTACK! Karahi? Check. BBQ? Check. Biryani? Check. Desi Dessert? Check. Diarrhea? Check. Potential Heart Attack?¬†Check¬†Mate.

 

Ugly Photographs

Source: Tumblr

Everyone gets to have that special picture in which they are going crazy inhaling food. It seems like wedding photographers are specially trained to¬†take this beauty shot. When everything is done, not many people are happy with the outcome…

 

The Haters


Source: BuzzFeed

These folks¬†only know two¬†things…complain and criticize. Similar to how our politicians never get tired of corruption, these amazing people never tire of talking about other people. This can range from things they thought sucked or were overdone – there’s no pleasing them. But they were still invited to the wedding because they have some distant relationship with someone in the family.

 

Children on the Loose

Source: Buzzfeed

Everyone loves children… when they’re not on a plane or at a shaadi. Shouting, peeing, drooling and lastly getting knocked down on the dance floor during the dances.

 

The Expensive Joota


Source: WordPress

Joota chupai¬†must be the most hated rasam¬†for any¬†groom and his family.¬†Why in God’s name should one pay so much money for stupid shoes. This rasam could potentially ruin the highly awaited suhaag raat¬†because the groom’s mind is preoccupied with how broke he is.

 

Rona Dhona


Source: Buzzfeed

Who doesn’t adore a crying bride? You’re right,¬†no one. It gets worse¬†when the family joins in and¬†somehow the person crying the most isn’t the bride.

 

Although there are some things that can make weddings a bit irritating, Pakistan weddings are one huge party and a big part of our culture. But before you decide to get married, make sure you check out this¬†beginner’s guide.

 

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