Becharay 30 and unmarried folks
We Pakistanis are obsessed with marriage. There is no denying that at all. I was talking to my co-workers the other day and we were discussing how whether or not there is a particular shaadi season in Pakistan. Surprisingly, or not so much, we reached the conclusion that it is always shaadi season in Pakistan. We love marriages, the entire aura that they create and it is one of the defining moments of people’s lives according to us.
However, there is a category of people whom we do not generally talk about and sympathize with a lot as well. This category of people is those who either choose to not get married or have not been able to get married for one reason or the other.
I got in touch with people who are unmarried and in their 30s. I asked them the things that they hear every now and then because of not being married
1. “zyada parhai kar li hai, dimaagh ghoom gaya hai”
This one is especially heard by the women. If someone chooses to invest in their education and somehow ends up unmarried, people automatically assume that the “parhai” has messed up her brain. Although the same amount of parhai for boys keeps them perfectly normal. It is often sad to see how people tend to stop the education of their own children because they think that the child won’t grow up to settle well in the marriage system of Pakistan.
2. “akele kya kartay ho ghar mein? Shaadi kar lo”
Men who are living on their own without getting married are often asked what they do all alone in the house. They explain how there is no concept of personal space and the society is yet to understand people wanting to live on their own.
“I just can’t get married to see another person in the house. That is not what marriage is about. I am doing good on my own and don’t feel the need to marry as yet”, said Saad.
3. “main aik hakeem ko jaanti hun, woh cream deta hai goray honay ki. Wow lagao, risata ho jaey ga”
There is this automatic assumption that people might be rejecting you because of your dusky complexion. It is sad to see people bringing this up. A complexion is no guarantee that the person you are choosing to marry is a good person. And if all it takes is a complexion for people to decide to marry, then it’s a pretty sad life they are leading.
4. “shaadi karna farz hai, gunah milay ga”
The easiest way to make someone feel guilty is bring in religion. It is almost as if the society believes that no one can get by in life without getting married; it has become something everyone has to do. And when all else fails, people start reminding you of your religious duties.
“Marriage is something one should when one feels the need. I don’t want to do something just because others feel the need to. My faith is between me and my God, I don’t see how that bothers anyone or makes them think they can casually suggest what I should do with my life”, said Hiba.
5. “ab toh bari dair ho gai hai, akeli reh jaey gi boojh ban ke”
This statement stems out of the belief that daughters belong to the family in which they get married. Hence, there is this constant reminder that marriage is the ultimate thing and it has to happen. If someone does not marry, and has passed the so called ripe age of 24, they are considered a burden on their own families. Pretty sad!
6. “aik kaam karnay wali mil jaey gi, zindagi asaan banao apni”
This one is a suggestion for the guys, who are managing everything on their own. Wives are considered necessary tools to keep the household together. Hence, brining in a wife means someone who is taking care of all the chores.
7. “khud kamana nahi paray ga, sab kuch khud mil jaey”
“My friends, the next door aunties and even random people would come up to me and tell me how amazing it is to have a husband who provides for everything. I don’t know how to explain it to them that I don’t want such a life. I don’t want anyone providing for anything and I am good on my own’, said Rabia.
8. “na shukray ho tum. Banda itna bhi selfish na ho, maa baap ka toh socho “
Parents invest so much into their child’s life and have a few expectations as well. However, marrying only because they want you to, some people don’t want to do that. It makes sense as well, not everyone wants everything dictated to them or indulging in stuff which holds emotional value for everyone else.
9. “koi masla hai kya?”
This is a sly reference to your ability to copulate. People don’t tend to think that this a private matter and bring it up whenever possible.
Let us learn to appreciate people for how they choose to live, as long as it is not harming anyone. We can never fully understand what that person is going through or not, let’s not make their lives more difficult.
If you know someone, or have heard any derogatory comment yourself; feel free to share them in the comments below.
cover image via: llpsolutions.com