When you open up Sunday or GT, you can see smiling aunties plastered across the pages. They’ll be smiling at a wedding in their sparkly clothes or attending hi- tea at their “best friend’s” house. They’ll be decked out in their glorious lawn outfits and sporting flashy purses. Their life may seem like glitz and glamour, but they too have problems.
Here are all of life’s tough moments you have to go through if you are a rich Pakistani auntie:
1. The overbearing weight of the huge Gucci/Prada/Louis Vuitton/ anything-above-$1000-bag that you must carry around all the time.
Especially for photographs.
2. The meticulous hours you have to spend getting your makeup done to look like porcelain before that chai party thrown by Zainab.
It’s not easy finding the perfect Chanel eye pencil that perfectly compliments your Dior lipstick.
3. The endless trial and error of the perfect selfie, with the perfect pout.
Bonus if you’re wearing Elan!
4. The thousands of blow-dries you have to get to keep that unnecessary blonde hair looking FAB.
5. So many committee parties, so little time.
6. Having to dress up to go to Sanam’s birthday even though you hate her but at least your jora’s more expensive than hers.
She won’t even notice that the Fendi wallet you got her is fake.
7. The infinite waxing, threading, plucking, squeezing, popping, injecting, and strange food eating to make sure you look perfect in case someone pulls out a DSLR.
8. The sales at Sapphire.
9. Uff, having to sit through another PFDC Fashion Show in the front row.
Oh gosh, if only they’d give you a break.
10. Making sure you hit the gym because #instafit #transformationtuesday #workhardplayhard
Also, Sanam can’t be fitter than you, right?
11. Making sure you get that Sania Maskatiya bridal to wear to a mendhi before all your other “best friends”.
12. Having to go to Ayesha’s daughter’s mehndi, Sadaf’s baby shower, and your hubby’s work dinner, all while making sure you take enough pictures for your Sunday Magazine “follow me around” article.
13. Only having time to go to one location for summer vacation.
You just went to Istanbul while Shazia went to London, Lisbon and Miami.
14. Not having anything to wear.
You have a closet full of clothes, but seriously, you have nothing to wear.
15. Pretending to love your salad, but wishing you had just ordered the damn burger.
It’s okay, we won’t tell.
This article is not meant to be offensive to any of you lovely desi ladies. I am merely poking fun at the elite society in this country. I’m sure your struggle is real.
Also see: Lawn Wars: The Final Showdown