Model United Nations Conference, or the MUN, is a multi-thousand rupees industry in Pakistan, which takes place across various classrooms all over the country. The idea is to take loads of money, as registration fees, from little kids and make them waste their weekends discussing things like the right of migrant workers (a famous topic to repeat in any MUN), and not their own point of view but some country they have never visited nor are ever going to visit!
Just kidding, MUN actually helps in developing awareness about issues all around the world and makes you better public speakers, maybe even future world leaders. After all, the “official” factor for winning is ‘good diplomatic’ skills. Here are just some of the people you come across at any MUN conference in Pakistan:
1. The Researcher
This one would have done loads of research, probably have filled files and folders full of draft resolutions and whatnot. But when it comes to actually speaking up at the session? Not so confident.
Verdict: Get your head out of the computer screen
2. The One Who Takes it Too Seriously
This one actually thinks a class room with wooden uncomfortable chairs and chart papers hanging around with humpty dumpty poems is the same as the actual UN headquarters in New York. They probably won’t be attending the socials, not because there are better things to do but they are drafting a draft resolution to get passed in the next day’s session.
Verdict: Take a breather, nobody cares if that resolution is passed.
3. The Enthusiast
This one is really a big fan of attending MUNs, not because they really like MUNing but because they like attending everyone of the conferences. There is an MUN almost out of the city which has a total of 3 delegates? rest assured this one will be one of those 3. And still not winning!
Verdict: There are better things in life
4. The Barney Stinson
These are the ones who’ll be dressed exquisitely from head to toe. For them, MUN is just an excuse to suit up! Their research and speaking skills: not so exquisite.
Verdict: You’re sad and lonely and obsessed with Barney Stinson. Buddy, that just happens in TV shows.
5. The Desi Foreigner
This one is living the Pakistani version of the life of foreign ‘rebellious’ teens they have seen on TV shows and movies. You will see them a total of three times, because they are using the MUN as a disguise for “other activities”! The first day you see them at the meet and greets, then somewhere in the middle of the first session you hear a point of personal privilege from them and the third time you see them is at the formal dinner.
Verdict: Child rearing is already tricky, your parents are a force to be reckoned with.
6. The Socializer
This one will buy the full ticket, with ALL the social events included. They will make it a point to attend each and every single one of those socials. Their goal is to successfully land that special someone at one of these events but they can do with just ‘socializing’ with the people(read: bachis).
Verdict: Please! Your obvious ways give away that you come from an all boys school. Learn subtlety, man.
7. The Delegate
This one’s the shiz, at least in their own mind . People like these have nothing better to do than to dress up on a Sunday morning and ask another kid(the chair) for permission to take a piss in the middle of a session that everyone’s just bullshitting their way through, anyway!
Verdict: We know you can articulate, move on!
8. The Frandshipper
This one’s a creepier version of the socializer. This one would make sure they get your phone number in the first five minutes of meeting you. And you’ll probably be getting a friend request as soon as the happenings of the first day end.
Verdict: She’s never gonna reply bro! Omegle maybe?
9. The First Timer
This is the one who wins the MUN for the first time. They make a Facebook status thanking and tagging every one they know starting from their parents to their first best friend and that third grade teacher who gave them confidence to speak up in public settings.
Verdict: It’s just your first time, don’t go crazy, just yet!
This one, more than preparing for the MUN, prepares about who would be chairing (Judging) their committee. This one would probably be stalking every chair on Facebook, trying to get a mutual friend to have a good word put in with the chairs. If only they would put all that effort on preparing for the GODDAMN thing!
11. The Performer
This one, as the name suggests, love to perform. They will mostly be active during the un-moderated caucuses. They will also probably be walking the ramp walk or doing something else on the talent night. These are the ones you’ll see on the Global village with weird paint all over their faces and body!
Verdict: There are other avenues(and better ramps) to showcase your particular set of skill, try your luck there.
12. The Conspiracy Theorist
In all likelihood, this person would loose. And in all likelihood, would blame the chair for having a vendetta against them because, hey who doesn’t have a vendetta against suited strangers! They will make a story so complicated that you’ll have nothing but to agree with them.
Verdict: The whole world hates you ( Including me)
13. The Social Media Junkie
This one would be so active on the Facebook group that you’ll probably be intimidated by them even before the sessions have begun. Rest assured, their transition to the actual committee, in person, is not the same. Quite the opposite, rather.
Verdict: Somebody needs to report your FB account.
14. The Photographer
This is the person with a DSLR slung around their neck at all times. They will take a bundle of pictures. In fact, they will find you and take your picture. But lets be honest, you love this one; without them how else will you get a display and all those likes?
Verdict: Take off that camera from your neck for the committee sessions, at least.
15. The One Who Can’t Get Enough
This one you probably would have seen age through the MUNs. They started attending them in O levels and now they’re on the verge of graduation from college but they still make time to suit up and compete against 16 year olds.
Verdict: Pick someone your own age, buddy.
16. The Chair
Now I’ll be honest not all of them are bad, some of them do know their stuff but most of them? Not so much. They actually don’t know what the committee is talking about. More often than not, they were participating alongside in that MUN two months ago for the first time, and now they are a chair, go figure.
Verdict: Don’t bother showing up if you can’t bother staying focused on the discussions YOU are judging.