Before, we begin we want to advise all women, especially unmarried ones, reading this to please STOP RIGHT THERE and head on over to this one instead, because there will be adult talk. We will talk about certain body parts and things will get rather racy.
Okay now, boys… so, your mom finally found you a girl to whom you’ll lose your virginity? Congratulations! But while porn and your hand may have given you a lot of experience with using your tools, real life is way different than that and while you may have bragged to your friends about all the bachiyan you have downed, we and you both know that you need to know how to go about it. So, here are some things you need to know before Raju releases his jadoo.
1. You might only talk the entire night
She might want to actually get to know you as a person before she meets Raju.
2. Your begum will take at least 30 minutes to get ready
Becoming a bride means loads of makeup, hundred of hair pins and a dress so heavy that it takes super-human strength to get out of so work with the poor lady, she’s done so much to look good for you.
3. Things could be extremely awkward
If you think meeting her family for the rishta was awkward, be prepared for making the world’s most awkward move to get the scene on. But don’t worry, everyone’s in the same boat.
4. You will have a million thoughts going in your head
What if you don’t perform? What if she thinks Raju is too small? What if you fart? You will think of things you never knew you could think of. Again, it’s okay to have questions.
5. Some irritating friends might constantly text you
They might be asking the status every few seconds to make you feel more awkward.
6. Your wife might be on her period
This night isn’t only about sex. Get to know her better, you won’t regret it.
7. The dulhan might cry the entire night
It might be a very wet night of tears. Make sure you take good care of her if she is missing home.
8. Someone might try to pull pranks
You might hear random alarms ringing all over the room. Beware of those evil pranks.
9. You will not last for more than 30 seconds
Only experienced men last longer, so be prepared for a very, very quick experience… unless you have been a bad Muslim.
10. You will be really tired
A Pakistani wedding is one of the most tiring activities on this planet. Don’t be surprised if you want to sleep rather than bang on the very first night of your wedding.
11. You will be pissed that you lost so much money
…on the joota chupai
You probably lost a good amount of money on getting your shoes back. You are secretly plotting how to kill the people who made you go bankrupt.
12. You will wonder why your begum spent so much on her dress
You wonder why she spent so much on it as you’re taking it off because you know she will never wear it again.
13. You’ll have to tell people when you’re becoming a father
You’ll have to even dodge questions about how you suhaag raat went.
So boys, eat well, sleep well the night before and reserve some energy to be able to perform on your very first day. You don’t want your middle stump to be too weak to take the stage, do you?
Check out the first episode of our series, Suhaag Raat
Cover image via: skynewsnepal.com