Still having feelings for my ex makes me feel weird
When a girl is born into a family, there’s always that one phupho who says, “Iski shaadi ki fikar kero ab.” She’s not even minutes old when parents, grandparents, phuphos, and the entire family for that matter starts worrying about how and when and whom she’ll get married to.
That’s how our society has been shaped for decades and it’s a fad that isn’t dying any soon.
Some of us are privileged enough to attend school, pursue our dreams and maybe even fall in love with the man of our choice and get married to him.
Umm hello, come back to reality. Let’s not get carried away with our fantasies.
Even if you are able to fulfill all your dreams and find that perfect Prince Charming to marry and just when you think everything is going smooth – life happens.
Either the Prince Charming you’ve met in your life turns out to be a toad
Or he screws you over, ditches you and runs away
Or worse, he promises to marry you but breaks all your khawabs at the last moment
And if all that doesn’t happen – the sky falls down. Something like that happened to me too. I had a perfect life – perfect friends – a guy I genuinely liked and hoped to have babies with one day. But then disaster struck. The guy turned out to be an ass and well, I was heartbroken.
Since I am a girl and girls HAVE to get married ASAP because God forbid if they don’t want to marry, it definitely means they’re up to no good. Therefore, my parents got me engaged.
Now here I am, with hardly three months left for my wedding and instead of going out shopping, I am shedding tears over my ex
And this is the part where you can start judging me and think that, “haye kitni buri larki hai.” I don’t mind at all.
Because when you genuinely like someone and give them so much, you start imagining your life with them. And suddenly when you’re asked to marry an entirely unknown person – it sucks.
Now I know it’s not fair to my husband-to-be but then again – it isn’t fair to me either. I complied to my parents wish but it’s rightly said, “Is dil ka kya kerain.”
The heart wants what it wants. I’m literally fantasizing about situations where my ex would suddenly come and ask me to break off all my engagements and run away with him. And the part where I run away from my own wedding is honestly pretty exciting. Legit Blair from Gossip Girl feels. I would have such adventurous stories to tell my kids.
Dear ex, if you’re reading this, come back pls… or don’t, actually
Never ever come back in my life, you fucking piece of shit, ex.
I have three months to get you out of my mind and heart because I know none of these fantasies are coming true any day. Also, I need to focus on my wedding because after all, it is MY WEDDING.
Cover image via Farrukh Saleem Photography