Going through a breakup is always a tough experience. It’s absolutely heartwrenching and leaves you distraught. You feel caught up in a whirlwind of emotions, wondering where you went wrong and what you could have done differently. During such a difficult time, it’s important to not be too hard on yourself.
Here’s how you can help yourself move on from a rough breakup:
Give yourself enough time to process and accept the situation
Dekho, ab breakup toh hogaya. You can’t do anything about it, unless you sacrifice your self-respect and go crawling back (please don’t, though.) Sometimes, the fact that your relationship has ended takes a little time to register. However, try to ease yourself into the realization. Sit yourself down and say ke haan, this is something that has happened. Accept what’s happened, because denial won’t help in this case.
Let it all out
When we try to internalize stuff like this, it always backfires. Cry if you have to. Maybe punch a pillow or scream in anger in an empty room. Find a way to let out your anger and pain. It’s better than holding in everything to the point where you eventually implode.
Acknowledge where you went wrong
Though it may take some time to get around to this, try to chalk out how and where you went wrong. Let’s face it – every experience is a lesson. Might as well take something as shitty as a breakup and actually try to learn from the entire debacle. You really don’t want to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
However, don’t shoulder unnecessary blame
Often, we let ourselves shoulder more blame than necessary. Yeah, no one’s perfect and everyone fucks up. But ab koi itna bhi fuck up nahi karta ke sab unki galti hoti hai (unless you’ve done some next level drastic shit.) Know where you went wrong, but don’t wallow in self-loathing by making everything seem like your fault, especially when you know it isn’t.
Disconnect, unplug and reflect
Let’s face it – we’re all a little bitter after a breakup. We’ll probably start hating on couples we see online. Or we’ll stalk our exes. Dono options productive nahi hain. At a time like this, it’s best to remove yourself temporarily from platforms that might do more harm than good. Taking some time off from all these outlets also makes room for reflection and introspection. And honestly, take this time to really think about what went wrong and how you can work on things that were your fault for any future relationships.
Have your support system in place
Do not isolate yourself at any cost. Even if it’s just one friend, make sure you have a pillar of strength around you at all times. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone will help speed up the healing process. Additionally, make plans. Go out. Don’t turn down opportunities to be in an environment that may actually help you heal.
Take a break in a way you deem fit
Travel. Read. Take some time off work, if you can. Catch up on lost sleep. Binge eat (but, like – don’t go overboard. Health ka bhi khayal rakhna hai.) Do what makes you happy and makes you feel liberated. Go to your happy place – both literally and within your mind.
Throw yourself into some cathartic music
It seems like a silly concept, but honestly, good music will help you more than the best advice. There’s just something about good music that resonates with you and will help you understand the situation better and, inadvertently, help you heal.
Utilize all creative outlets
Write, play an instrument, throw yourself into your favorite sport or maybe even bake. Utilize whatever creative outlet helps in your case. This is known to be therapeutic and will actually help keep you busy. It will also soothe your nerves if you’re feeling particularly erratic.
Realize that your pain, while valid, is not everlasting
Breakups hotay rehte hain. Your pain is justified and important. However, it’s not permanent. Yes, it may hurt in that moment and it may feel like life will never be the same again. But it will be. Somewhere down the line, you’ll be in a better place. It’s important to keep that in mind.
Allow yourself to heal
The healing process can only begin if you let it. If you hate yourself because of how things went down, if you keep thinking back to the absolute worst things that have happened and if you keep yourself immersed within a wave of self-pity, you will never be able to heal. If someone lends you a helping hand, accept the offer. Regardless of how things went down, everyone deserves to heal.
All of this may seem like it’s easier said than done. When you get down to it, it’s an uphill battle. There are good days and there are extremely shitty days. But you have to keep at it, regardless. People – no matter how important they may be – come and go. In a case like this, you have to put yourself first and allow yourself to be open to the idea that there will be a time when this breakup will not matter. It may be a while before that happens, though. Hang in there.
Cover image via: Dharma Productions