Chichora a**holes are a pain, quite literally. By the way, we’re not referring to anatomical a**holes, but human ones. They’re the most interesting people you come across in your life because some of them are obnoxiously unaware of their distinct characteristics that we feel it’s our duty to let you know how to spot one.
So read on to see how you can catch them in their act, as most of them would be:
1. They’re the ones wearing sunglasses indoors and/or at night.
For them it’s like their personal brand of “swag” that keeps them revitalized and others wondering how can they not know the level of stupidity on this one??? O.o
2. They google quotes to put up as profile picture caption.
They know the importance of coming up with deep AF quotations to let everyone know how philosophically rooted they are. However this tactic fools no one especially since they are not so subtle in their use of wise words.
3. Their Facebook timelines are full of check-ins that are mostly done from their bedroom.
Ever since Facebook came up with this feature of adding your location, these people have been hard at work “drinking dinner” at McDonald’s or Hardee’s even though they really are at Rizwan Burger.
4. Their “candid” instagram shots take 2 hours to perfect.
And then hash tagging their photos #candid #OOTD #Life #ThankyouRaheelSharif, which makes their attempts feel even more fake -__-.
5. They comment on public forums with complete bio-data, hoping for a rishta.
Someone please send this handsome hunk a rishta. People like these leave no stone unturned in their quest to find the perfect partner.
6. Their (most likely googled) Facebook status is deeper than certain offshore accounts.
We can’t even….. matlb k kia yaar.
7. Partying to angraizi songs is their norm, while not knowing a single word to the song.
It’s okay if you prefer Naseebo Laal over Nicki Minaj, but these folks will pretend to twerk at “anaconda” while in their bedrooms they mujra to “gujara vey“.
8. Their bae has an even more annoying nickname than “bae”, and everyone must hear it.
Bae is just one of these words. Janu/Manu/shonu are all annoying AF nicknames that these people call their significant others and that too on public forums. *The absolute horror”
9. They practice staring as if they’re competing in the Olympics for it.
A rule of thumb followed by our a**hole braderii: If you spot your crush anywhere in vicinity, stare at them until they consent to marrying you.
10. You’ll find them eating Gol Gappay with chamach and Pizza with churri kaanta.
A question: if you choose to order a Pizza or Gol Gappa off a menu you concede to all the mess that could potentially be created so WHY act like a complete a**hole and ask the waiters for cutlery?? Like WHYYY??
11. Their fake accents are almost as painful as watching Qandeel Baloch for five minutes.
This trait is often shared by those who want to sound sophisticated and end up inventing atrocious pronunciations like Gukki for Gucci and Milli Cyrus for Miley Cyrus.
12. All their selfies show more of their iPhone logo than their own face.
For this particular brand of people, mirrors are a pre-requisite for ANY IPhone selfie. Materialistic a**holes.
13. Their shoda-pan is enhanced with one wheeling and putting their lives at risk
You can often see these a**holes at night or in the wee hours of morning, wanting to reenact Fast & Furious. Newsflash guys: you impress no one.
We tried being true to the essence of these a**holes and helping you spot one, if you know of any other traits we might have missed, let us know right away.
Cover image via: Six Sigma Plus