Let’s face it, we all have a love-hate relationship with shaadis. When it comes to shaadis, you will find one of every kind; the big fat Pakistani wedding, the small intimate setting wedding, the preposterous wedding, the wedding you’d rather die than go to, the wedding you’ve been waiting the entire year for, the wedding where you embarrassed yourself, the wedding with the best memories, the list is endless.
Let’s take a look at The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of the every Pakistani shaadi.
You know it, I know it. We’re here for the food. Excuse me while I go stuff my fat little face. Nom nom nom.
Take a ‘candid’ picture of me while I look in the other direction, lost deep in thought or laughing because happiness isn’t the only thing I can fake.
The kind of music that makes every bone in your body want to move like Jagger.
Gajar ka halwa? OH YEAHH! Garam Garam Gulaab Jaman? GIMME SOME MOH!!
Looking fabulous AF
For once, you don’t look like a homeless addict.
‘Jab bhi koi larki/larka dekhoon, mera dil dewaana bolay olay olay olay’
Having to shop for a different outfit for every.single.function.
An outfit that you will probably wear only once because it’s a crime to be seen in the same outfit twice. *gasps in shock*
Having to take like an entire week off to attend the pre-wedding, wedding and post-wedding events
Hard-earned paid leaves? Goodbye.
When your Facebook newsfeed is floods with shaadi/engagement announcements
I got the card but thanks for taking over my newsfeed.
One-on-one human interaction
Pretend you didn’t see them and run in the opposite direction.
Single and over 21? Hunting season for them aunties
‘Sonay pay suhaag’
Being told, ‘Haye, itnay baray ho gaye ho!’
Because aunty logic defies all laws of time and growth.
Scrubbing off goop aka makeup and changing back into your PJs when you get back home from the shaadi.
Can’t I magically zap myself into PJs with my makeup off? Where’s the genie when you need him?!
Having your hands look like a skin disease once the mehndi starts fading.
Oh, and it takes weeks.
Having to sit through hours of pleasantries and small talk with relatives with a smile plastered on your face.
Going through a quarter or mid life crisis? WGAF?! Two words: Best behavior.
Heels for girls, ties for guys.
Just 3 hours…we can do it.
Being examined like stones in ‘masar ki daal’ by random strangers.
Getting videotaped while eating.
Fuck you very much.
All the inescapable drama, gossip and hassle just so two people can boink without societal judgment.
You may now fill in the blank.
When you see people uploading and tagging the ugliest possible photos of you from the shaadi/mehndi/valima/dholki.
I will find you and I will kill you.