Well now that is a surprise.
Unfortunately, in Pakistan, Divorced women are regarded as some of the most ostracized women in our society.
Oh and not divorced men, just women.
Now, this isn’t due to the fact that these women may have killed their husbands, poisoned their susraal or threw their kids out the window. Nope, many people in Pakistan consider divorced women the most extreme form of taboo in our society, literally only because they are divorced.
Yet, the one person we didn’t think would say anything positive about divorce, decided to speak up on it.
Reham Khan commented on how Divorce made her life easier and we’re actually quite impressed.
I believe in the insutution of marriage but the fact is as a divorcee my quality of life is a lot better & my smile more genuine.
My home has been a safe haven when I have been single. https://t.co/x3Uz8Wdngi— Reham Khan (@RehamKhan1) March 10, 2019
The conversation started on Twitter when an individual tweeted her own thoughts on divorce, stating that it was sad to see women celebrating being on their own rather than being with a man.
Born and brought up in London, until now I thought I was relatively open minded, but from the placard these three Pakistani women are holding, I'm far too old fashioned and backward 😥 pic.twitter.com/KYcnv5n70f
— Soraya Aziz (@SorayaAziz) March 10, 2019
Reham, who is known for being vocal about her own ex-husband, Prime Minister Imran Khan said that her home was more of a safe haven when she was alone. She stated that she did believe in the institution of marriage, but admitted to feeling genuinely happy when she was on her own.
Unfortunately, her views on the subject did garner more hate than love, but being so that she is Reham Khan, we saw it coming. However, there were women who completely encouraged her and matched her views.
More power to you! ❤️
— B Qadir (@BQadir_) March 11, 2019
Ok if something didn't work or your decision turned out to be wrong. You have life ahead of you to live.
— Shabbir Hussain (@shaby080) March 10, 2019
The tweet sparked a decent amount of conversation on the topic and women of all walks of life began commenting on the topic, including women who are divorced themselves.
There is nothing wrong with being a divorcee. One should try one's best to work at a marriage, but if it doesn't work out, then the option to sever ways should be adopted. But how many men in Pakistan pay alimony to their wives? That's the issue.
— Fe'reeha Idrees (@Fereeha) March 10, 2019
Most people don't get divorced for a laugh. It's not fun for anyone. It's not because they took the marriage as a joke. I would strongly dispute that characterization. Re dignity in silence – maybe to a point but not when there was abuse. People should speak their truths.
— Issam Ahmed (@IssamAhmed) March 10, 2019
Madam, with that DP it’s quite rare to be open minded, and being born and brought up in London is a double whammy. What would you like? For us to be unhappy? Would that satisfy your morbid need to appease society? https://t.co/Um7IPk89bk
— Sabahat Zakariya (@sabizak) March 10, 2019
I honestly feel it's one-sided against women at least in Pakistan. I'm sure there are people who don't take marriage or divorce as serious as you'd like to but women here are suffering due to institutionalized patriarchy. Divorce is a lifesaver here for many.
— Rizwan. (@RizwanPehelwan) March 10, 2019
Human rights activist and Lawyer, Nighat Dad even shared her own experience with her husband, revealing details of her former marriage.
My ex husband gave me divorce because he wanted to marry another woman, didn’t want to support me & 6 months old son also my father told me not to put up with physical abuse. Mind you I started my law practice & work after divorce & made Pakistan proud at several occasions. https://t.co/JZ85Y2mVlu
— Nighat Dad (@nighatdad) March 10, 2019
The nature of the tweets showed that the newer generation of Pakistanis seem to be onboard with the fact that divorce is a very real and very effective option for those who may need to exercise it.
Especially with regards to physical abuse in relationships, as many Pakistanis experience, divorce is almost a necessity from escaping a life full of misery and physical pain, as Nighat Dad even pointed out.
This past Aurat March gave voice to these women and allowed them to be noticed as some of the strongest individuals among us.
Born and brought up in London, until now I thought I was relatively open minded, but from the placard these three Pakistani women are holding, I'm far too old fashioned and backward 😥 pic.twitter.com/KYcnv5n70f
— Soraya Aziz (@SorayaAziz) March 10, 2019
Being divorced in any part of the world is considered taboo. However, in Pakistan, in most cases, it can mean the total abandonment of a woman from her family, friends and other loved ones. The shame that comes with divorcing a husband and ‘bringing dishonour on your family,’ is what most people here want you to feel, but in reality – it is total bullshit.
Understandably, when kids are involved, the option of divorce can make things tricky, considering what that change could mean for other people in the family. However, even that can be dealt with. Divorce isn’t about breaking up a family or a couple, it means separating yourself from an individual in order for you both to be happier.
I don’t blame Pakistanis for feeling as though Divorce is a four-letter word. That is the mindset of many people around the world and until we all challenge this belief system collectively, there is no hope for change. However, I do blame the Pakistanis who refuse to think outside of their comfort zone. Yes, it is comfortable to call divorced women a disgrace but it is unacceptable that people with their own wives, daughters and sisters are that at ease with kicking out the females in their life because they ‘failed at marriage.’
Sometimes the fit isn’t right, sometimes the Rishta is crazy and sometimes being physically abused is just not good enough for a woman and that is absolutely okay. The real strength comes from being able to end something when it no longer has anything to offer you and the fact that these women were strong enough to step up and limit the toxicity in their life says a lot about them and even more about the power of women in this country and around the world.
Have you seen this conversation online? What do you think of it? Let us know what you think in the comments below. Love you.
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Cover photo source: MoreWallPapers/@SorayaAziz Via Twitter