There was a time when morning shows were supposed to be informative. Whether you wanted a quick update on the news before you dived into your day, or you just wanted to start the day on a light-hearted, positive note. But thanks to our national obsession with everything shaadi and a lack of imaginative people working at the traditional media companies, before we realized it, every channel introduced its own version of mini 2-hours of a dancing, singing, wedding, cooking and beauty show. A one-stop shop for your wedding preparation. All year round!
Considering how successfully channels have managed to collectively kill the brain cells of millions of housewives across the country, MangoBaaz has worked hard and after scouring each and every morning show we have come up with the perfect recipe for you to make the most successful morning show in Pakistan. One that will get you ratings, eyeballs and lots of aunties’ attention.
Here are the ingredients you will be needing:
One Housewife who is entertainment starved
This is the most important ingredient. After all, without an audience you cannot make a successful show. These housewives are to morning shows what spinal cord is to human beings. Successful shows are built for aunties who can gossip about them throughout the rest of the day.
Aik adad charming host
Not just any host will do. Make sure
it she is charming, good-looking and confident. The eyes are glued to the screens to comment on how the host looks, how perfectly her hair is done, the color of her lip color and, of course, the designer jora that she is carrying so well. So, if the host lacks any of these qualities, the channels should reconsider the idea of trusting her with the crucial job of pleasing the Pakistani aunties.
One dozen daring audience
Make sure they can scream, clap and shout at the drop of a hat. The perfect morning show needs ladies who have the guts to step up to the front and carry out all kinds of crazy stuff on screen which includes eating 10 plates of gol gappay or dressing the other person in a saari. The show must wake up the sleeping athlete in each aunty by encouraging them to take part in such healthy “sports”.
A handful of beauticians
Pakistani women are obsessed with the photo-shopped model look. You must find beauticians who know the art of reading these aunties’ minds and they should have a tip for every, literally every flaw that a person can possibly be naturally blessed with. Do this and the aunties will eagerly wait for this segment with a notepad and pen in hand to scribble every ingredient that will transform them into Mila Kunis.
A couple of makeup artists
A special corner should be reserved for the makeup artists, their assistants and a girl who is willing to wear a double layer of makeup. The ‘before’ and ‘after’ looks of the model must speak volumes about the magic that the talented hands can showcase. And this magic casts a spell on the aunties sitting at home who wish to book appointments with those gifted artists.
A sprinkling of bridal events, to taste
If you don’t have a couple of brides-to-be on list, your morning show’s ratings won’t be as good as the ones who will actually celebrate a real wedding on their set. From dholkis to walima, the aunties sitting back home will relish the experience of watching a wedding with all sorts of halla-gulla on screen (as if the already gazillion weddings that they were invited to didn’t satisfy their appetite).
This ingredient is to be considered according to the quantity of bridal events you have. There are a lot of things to be taken care of before a wedding. And who takes care of all the settings, the music, lighting etc? The creative event planners! Make sure you have at least one on hand AT ALL TIMES.
A handful of actresses not currently with a job
A wedding without an item number on TV? Boring. Get an actress. Any actress. Someone who has time and is out of a job. These actresses add colors to the wedding and will act as friends to no matter who the bride is.
A pinch of doctors
Everyone likes to save and with the rocketing doctors’ fees these days, free advice from some experienced ones is for them. And this is why morning show doctors are important. The aunties find it a wise way to save their hubby’s money so they will listen to whatever you tell them. Daactar sahab ne kaha hai sahi hi kaha ho ga.
A few drops of “chefs”
Make sure the use of this term is as loose as possible. From desi to continental, the chefs must teach the aunties everything on these 2-hour shortcut to wedding preparation packages.
Depending on how intensely herbal you like your morning show to taste. Audience to a morning show love to hear the complicated herb names and note them down to treat the many problems that their bodies give them. Whether they end up following the herbal treatment or not remains a very important question till date but never leave the fate of your morning show to statistics. Wohi dikhao jo saari duniya dikhati hai apne show pe.
Aik muthi comedians
Everyone needs a dose of comedy early in the morning, even if it is as forced and fake as you can get. The stand-up comedians should crack necessary and unnecessary jokes (preferably unnecessary) and leave. And make sure everyone on set is faking a big smile. The dozen audience we talked about earlier? This is where their laughing skills can be utilized.
And for garnishing, fitness trainers
To top it all off, something to start the day on a healthy dose is also good. After all, of their minds are active only then will the aunties actively gossip abut your show throughout the day. The trainers need to demonstrate various workouts that the audience will watch while they sit in front of the TV and gobble up their daily parathas.