It’s 2019 but rishta culture is still toxic AF.
Pakistanis may boast about how much better our ‘arranged marriage’ culture is that ‘love marriage’ which is prevalent in the West. But honestly, is it better? I have begun to question this more often than not when I heard women talk about their experiences with this culture. It sounds traumatizing to say the least.
While rishta culture sucks for both men and women in terms of how toxic it is, it is also an entrenched reality for so many people
There’s the whole ordeal of sitting through the rishta process and getting scrutinized by complete strangers like you’re some bakras on display to be bought for sacrifice for Eid ul Azha. Then of course, comes the toxic superficial rejections and the effect they have on the people who are rejected.
So Anum, a doctor from Karachi, asked people to share reasons they were rejected by potential rishtas, there were quite a few responses from eager Pakistanis
Quote with your rejection stories/ excuses ..
I'll go first. So your girl was once rejected because his mom sis felt "larki humai maghroor lagi, humaari family mai mix nahe hopaayegi"
— intellectual property infringement (@baezaariat) March 24, 2019
Anum is a doctor in Karachi and has personally seen the toxic rishta culture. She told me about the type of questions people confidently ask and the demands they make when they find out she’s a doctor. Things along the lines of how she will have to work and support the guy because he is just starting out in his career to whether the house they lived in was owned by them or on rent.
Anum started the conversation to find out what other reasons people have been rejected for and the replies were very interesting.
A lot of the reasons people were rejected for, unsurprisingly were superficial as hell, related to height, weight and complexion
Bhai life partner chahiye ya doodh dene wali gaye inn logo ko?
Height zra choti hy. Saath khri hui ajeeb lgo gi😐
— kazeeB (@kazee_b) March 25, 2019
I was told “larki moti hay, hamien slim smart chaye” 😂 that woman was probably > 100 kg herself https://t.co/tPRf52et9E
— Rizwana Qureshi (@rizwanaquresh15) March 25, 2019
Larki moti hai humaray betay ko dubli patli khoobsoorat larki chahiye.
Larki advertising ki duniya mein kaam karti hai, smoking aur drinking karti hogi
— Saahrish Iftikhar (@isaahrish) March 25, 2019
Too fat. Too aged. Parhai kyun kar rahi hai? https://t.co/dPnQP3KYdZ
— Sidra Aziz (@NamkeenJalebi) March 25, 2019
1. Hijab karti hai
2. CoMpLeXion fAiR nAi hAi https://t.co/3LFinynnh6
— Syeda Sa'mia (@MadNcracked) March 25, 2019
1) age ziada hai (i was 24)
2) mera beta kehta hai larki outdoorsy ho (still dunno what that meant)
3) moti hai (my BMI was 21.3)
4) hamaray larkay se bari hai (he was 1 month and 3 days younger than me)
5) beta kehta hai i’ll speak to her first and meet a few times & then decide
— Mother of Dragons 🐉 (@Zaibyx) March 24, 2019
And honestly, the entire experience is incredibly traumatizing for people.
It's a long list and going back to that again will bring trauma for me. It shattered my confidence to the point I was in depression. https://t.co/xjyXNYqO9T
— Weirdie 🇵🇰 (@chaiandfries) March 25, 2019
And it wasn’t just women sharing their stories, a lot of men pitched in their experiences of being rejected for some fucked up reasons
Apna ghar ni hy, stable nai hy, Shia hy…… https://t.co/wHSqek8g4q
— ConfusingContradictions (@elialawiii) March 24, 2019
"aap ka beta Thora healthy hai" https://t.co/mcCN7oHUpQ
— Ahmad Babarاحمد بابر (@ahmadbabar) March 25, 2019
Only child, his mother will be very possessive won't let our daughter live in peace. =))
— M (@iiimran) March 25, 2019
Her parents : ap dupattey ki sakhti karo gey ?
Me : Not at all
Her parents : apni darhi choti karo gey
Me: Not at all. If this marriage is happening I will accept her as she is and she should accept her as I am
Well the marriage couldn't be materialized 🤣 https://t.co/P44zKs8uHj
— Darth Awan (@gooner_saad) March 25, 2019
Finances and assets seem to be a big reason why rishtas are rejected. Because marriage, gambling and financial transactions, what’s the difference right?
"Ghar chota hai"
"Ajeeb c hai" https://t.co/BgvJsOy1BY
— سندس (@AnaaMasst) March 25, 2019
“Aap log to bohat saaday hain” aka too poor
— meri tasweer to kisi nay nahi li (@sakinaham88) March 25, 2019
Ap kamatay kia hain . Sorry we have better than you ..
— A د ee ل (@captsorrow) March 25, 2019
Honestly, when will we get rid of this toxic rishta culture? A lot of people have started talking about how parents shouldn’t put their children in a position to be rejected in the first place. But unless dating becomes acceptable and more common in Pakistan, what will be the alternative way to finding a life partner?
Maybe the solution can be as simple as parents not asking for a reason for rejection, that’s like offering your child up on a silver platter to the other person so they can point out their every flaw. If someone doesn’t seem interested; don’t pursue it? But the complexities of each situation are different and vary so a blanket solution can’t be possible either.
What do you think should be done with the rishta culture?
Cover Image Via: jodiphotos.blogspot.com