I’ve been married for about 5 years. That is a long time – half a decade. My hair is staring to show a grey here and there and no, it is not because I’m turning into an aunty. It is probably because I am a hard working, halal ki kamai earning, mom and wife who is just trying to make it through life, without killing my spouse. You know what keeps me going? These 18 solid AF lessons that I’ve learned from these five beautiful years of my marriage.
So here goes nothing.
1. When Ammi said, “Pehlay 5 saal subsay mushil hotay hain”, she was pretty darn right
There will be fights, arguments, adjustments, hurt and all sorts of shitty feelings along with some of the best times of your life – but if you survive this, you can survive this shaadi nibhana business.
2. That piece of dirty laundry thrown outside the basket? Yeah, that won’t ever change – learn to live with it.
Look, there are different stages to this. First, you’ll say WTF, then, you’ll fight, then you’ll feel betrayed, then you’ll just give up and pick up that damn chaddi yourself and put it in the laundry basket. Not worth the fight yaar, not worth it.
3. No one cares if you’re not wearing make-up and looking homeless
Even if you don’t shower for two days, no one is going to judge you. And you still get action when the lights go out.
4. Your partner can rip you apart with constructive criticism behind closed doors, but he/she should be your biggest cheerleader in public
Ya’ll can make each other feel like a total loser when you’re in the privacy of your own home, but in public, you have to be each other’s strength. No questions about that.
5. There are bad hair days and then there are bad cooking days as well
There will be days when the salt is over the top, and other days there’s no salt at all because you forgot. But that doesn’t mean you are not the Master-chef of your own kitchen. Damn straight you are!
6. Picking the right battles is the only way to survive
There is no point in fighting about muddy footsteps on the bathroom floor, even if you’ve cleaned them five times. But yes, you should pick a fight when someone gets up in your business without being invited.
7. You both can and should do your own thing – but there has to be that one thing you guys love to do together
Netflix and then chill. Both legit fun activities for married people.
8. You will want to quit sometimes
There will be days when you’ll say, “Fuck this shit, I’m going to go live in Antarctica.” Everyone has those days, it’s normal to hate each other and your life for a few hours. Just don’t make it a habit.
9. You both will be different people than you were on the first day of marriage
You will learn to accept each other for who you are and take care of each other’s likes and dislikes. It takes time.
10. Communicating through eyes is an actual mode of normal communication in public
This is one isharay bazi that you’ll actually be thankful for because sometimes when you’re stuck at a dawat at your in-laws, and don’t know WTF is going on. That one meaningful look from your spouse will bring you back to your senses. True story yaar!
11. Whoever advised, “Never go to bed angry” must not be married.
Yeah, it is sometimes physically impossible to get your ego out of the way and say sorry or talk things out, so you just go to bed angry and give each other space.
12. Being bitter and resentful will only ruin things for you
Shit happens in every relationship, especially marriage. If it is something that is not going against your principles and morals, get over it and move on. Aur bohat maslay hain zindagi mai, surhnay se khuch nhi m
13. Sometimes you have to suck it up and tell your spouse that they’re right – when they’re actually talking utter gibberish
People, if you don’t want your weekend to get ruined, let those arms down and agree with your bitter…oh, I mean “better” half, sometimes. Warna, get ready for fist fights and ugly cry faces.
14. You will fight about the same things over and over and over again.
Yes, that damn underwear will never EVER land in the laundry basket and yes, she will over spend every freaking month. There is NOTHING you can do about it, except maybe bang your head in the wall, and just forgive, accept your spouse for what they are, and move the fuck on.
15. You both will forgive each other no matter how badly the other has fucked up
Unless one of ya’ll has cheated or done something totally unacceptable and unforgivable, it’s cool. Fights are a normal evolutionary process of every relationship. You’re not perfect (*gasp*) and neither is your spouse. This realization will come to you eventually and you will make it through any and every fight – stronger and closer than ever before.
16. Friends – keep in touch with them and see them often
Ladies and gentlemen, don’t make everything about each other all the time. Spend some time apart and go see your BFFs or chaddi buddies because even though you guys are best friends for ever, no one can replace the bond you have with your friends.
17. Give each other gifts
Honestly, this clause needs to go into the nikkah nama because bruh, when you’re a desi couple, gifts are considered a nakhra, when in fact, they are a show of love and care – which is necessary in a marriage. It’s science! It’s perfect!
18. Tell your spouse you love them, once in a while
Last but not least, guys and gals, even the most surrial spouse wants to know that someone, especially their spouse, loves them. Go ahead, say the words – you won’t die, in fact, you and your spouse might just live to tell the story to your grand kids. “Aik dafa ka zikr hai, Dada Abu ne I love you kaha tha….”
So guys, what have you learned from your marriage? Can you relate to any of these points? Let us know in the comments below.
My Arranged Marriage Began With A LOT Of Struggles, But It Made My Husband And I Fall Deeper In Love
Cover image via T-Series/Maddock Films