Ladies, Look Out For These 11 Warning Signs In Your Future Husband Before Getting Married

By Manahil | 3 Mar, 2019

Ah, marriage. The lovey-dovey fairytale that seems to complete us. We tend to call our partner our other half, our soulmate, our partner in crime amongst other terms. And although love may be all that, it’s not worth risking everything for – you can take that from me. I’ve had first-hand experience. Here are some warning signs to look out for before you take the dive into marriage:

1. They put other people before you. Canceling plans on you is very easy for them.

Ah – this one hits close to home. Many times, almost 9/10 times, my ex, let’s refer to him as “J” here – would be more than happy to cancel on me. Whether it was attending a phone call and leaving me on hold for 30 minutes at a time or canceling dates to hang out with friends – he was the best at this. I used to think of it as a positive thing because it’s something I struggled with. When I date – I tend to forget other people. I was extremely impressed that he would “balance” everything but it soon became clear to me who he enjoyed spending time with.

Via Giphy

2. Bad temper, unkind, rude and doesn’t have the best reputation… is he the Grinch?

If he shows signs of bad temper or is unkind during an argument – he isn’t mature. J would always resort to calling me “stupid larki” or the b-word. I used to defend him in my mind, ghussa hai yar, dil py maat lelo, I’d tell myself. But the fact of the matter is no matter how heated an argument gets, one should always keep their cool.

source: Disney XD

3. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Honestly, people don’t change. Or, at least, it doesn’t happen as often as we think it would. I always had this suspicion that J cheated. If you ask me at what point I knew, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. It was just a gut feeling. The first time he did it – scratch that – the first time I found out, oof, the apologies I received. Seemed like his world was ending faster than mine. I accepted after a week or so of contemplating whether or not I should break it off but in the end, I forgave him. But although people do change, very few do and he ultimately made my decision for me when he chose to cheat again.

Source: Wiseau-Films

4. Communication isn’t easy.

If you guys are having trouble conveying small messages about anything, for instance, likes and dislikes, you have a serious problem. Communication really should be easy, it should be second nature between you and your partner. And responding to that communication is even more important. I would have long talks with J about what we wanted in life, what I was comfortable with, my future plans, but in the end, it didn’t matter. He never fulfilled them. Thinking about it now, it seems as if he never even considered them. Marry someone who listens to you, someone who compromises, and someone who takes you seriously.

Source: WiffleGif.com

5. They lie, you’ve caught them lie, and yet, they continue to lie.

While I’m writing this, it’s pretty painful to recall all these memories. Lying is one of the biggest set-backs in a relationship. And it goes hand in hand with cheating – done once, it can be discarded as a mistake, but twice? That’s a choice. J used to lie about where he was at which time. Although it was my fault for pestering him about it constantly, I would suspect that something was wrong. He would tell me he’s at work – while in fact, he was having affairs with other women. A simple “this isn’t working out” would have sufficed.

source: Gracie Films

6. Controlling, controlling, and con-troll-ing.

Does he tell you not to hang out with your guy friends even though you’ve been friends for years? Does he discourage your friendships with girls, as well? Do you have to ask him permission before going out? Girl, say bye. He’s not your dad – he’s your boyfriend. J would constantly discourage my relationship with anyone and everyone. By the time we were at the one year mark – I only had one friend left. Controlling means they don’t trust you. And no trust can mean a variety of things – none of them being good.

source: Warner Bros. Television

7. Mental health is very real.

Mental health is one of those things that are extremely worrying during this time. In general, if your partner is suffering from mental health issues, you should know it’s a sign that you shouldn’t be getting married soon. Marriage isn’t the answer to everything – and it can’t fix everything. For example, a depressed person may get married, and it might distract him from his depression in the short term, but in the long term, it won’t help, and he’ll start to feel that marriage isn’t working instead of realizing marriage itself isn’t the issue.

source: Tenor.com

8. Keeping secrets that concern you? Big no.

I know we all go through things that we’d rather not tell our partner – if this is anything in the past, before the relationship, then I can still understand why some people would rather not tell anyone. But if there’s something that occurred after your relationship, that you have kept a secret, it’s not okay. Being able to share with your partner easily is a key to a healthy honest relationship. J had secrets from his past and present. He wouldn’t tell me much about his day, because lots of his activities were things I wasn’t cool with – and instead of talking to me about them, he hid stuff.

source: Warner Horizon Television

9. He doesn’t take any interest in future plans with you.

Although he may say he wants to marry you, if the conversation doesn’t go further than that, you have to ask yourself if this is really what he wants. Many people are in a relationship because they’re afraid of being alone and marriage is a way to secure that they won’t be lonely.

source: Worldwide Pants Incorporated

10. He’s violent.

If he’s ever laid a finger on you, it’s time to rethink what you want to do, and who you want to spend your life with. Sometimes, mistakes do happen and there are ways to help change behavioral patterns – for example, anger management. But as I’ve said earlier, it’s unlikely for people to change.

source: Gracie Films

11. Your loved ones don’t want this person for you.

THIS! This is so important. Although sometimes, parents may be overly-cautious and might not like someone because you specifically like them in the beginning, once they get to know them, they calm down. Nope. Didn’t happen for me. My parents were worried about J to begin with because of our 12 year age difference and getting to know him only made it get worse.

My mom hated his guts near the 6-month point of knowing him. She’d tell me repeatedly he isn’t the one disregarding his age – his attitude was the issue. Trust those around you, blinded by love is a real thing and although you may not notice somethings, others do.

source: FX Productions

Do yourself a favor girl, steer clear of boys that show these signs. Because as much as we want something to work out, there’s something better written for us. There’s no need to bardasht this behavior.

 

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Cover image via Unique Films/YouTube

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