Your first day at a new job is pretty much like your first day at a new school. Awkward and uncomfortable. You continue to have mixed feelings the entire first day, you love it and you hate it the next second and then you love it and then hate it again.

Here’s what everyone goes through on the first day at a new job. Also it’s totally cool to be awkward. Don’t let that bring you down.

It starts off with you showing up early for work, dressed for success

Only to realize that other caffeine deprived bodies start strolling in an hour or a half later

It’s your first day so you get a lot of unsolicited attention

Your fellow inhabitants smile and greet you with apparent warmth

While secretly judging the fuck out of you

But that’s okay because you are doing the same

You forget their names the moment they introduce themselves

You feign excitement and smile a lot to pull off some semblance of normality

You repeat your life story to your mildly curious colleagues

You pretend to be doing something important on your phone when you don’t know what else to do/say

You ask for chai/coffee but it never comes because you haven’t gone through the cult initiation yet

You notice how everyone is busy working and you have no clue what to do

You awkwardly try adjusting at your new workstation

Only to end up having the most uncomfortable chair that everyone else refused to rest their butts and backs on

But you suck it up and religiously log on to Facebook and open a tab for Gmail

You feel silly for asking questions like ‘where’s the bathroom?’ and ‘where are the pens?’

Lunchtime arrives and you remember all the times you took lunchtime for granted

You wonder if it is okay to eat at your desk

You mentally debate skipping lunch but your rumbling tummy has other plans

So you eat as sophisticatedly as you can, not at all like the pizza gobbling the night before

There are times when you develop super-hearing and moments where you zone out

Its almost time to leave and a wave of relief washes over you

You think about how to announce your departure; inform, ask or just leave?

You realize the oxygen sharers in the room aren’t that bad, you make acquaintances

And live to survive another day!