If you’re a Pakistani girl, especially the younger crew, you’ve most likely been told how you’re a little too outspoken, or more likely taiz, because you don’t hold back anymore when it comes to speaking your mind, regardless of the topic or situation. And why not? In a society where women have been kept behind the confines of their houses, it’s refreshing to see young women voicing their opinions and sharing their perspectives.
However, it often comes with a whole lot of backlash. If you’re an outspoken girl who isn’t afraid to speak her mind, this is probably what you have to deal with:
1. Being told off by elders
A lot of the time, you’re told to keep your opinions to yourself and when you point out why you should be talking about a particular issue, you’re called badtameez or badikhlaaq, because that’s pretty much every adult’s go-to argument conclusion.
2. Being told off by friends
You just have a lot of feelings and you tend to get overexcited. People tend to not understand that. More often than not, you’re presented with a ‘tumse poocha kisne hai?’
Does that stop you, though? Nah.
3. Constant censoring
You’re not good with euphemisms, and you don’t really understand why you need to censor your thoughts. However, people around you tend to disagree.
Strangely, they only tend to censor you and not your guy friends, even if their way of speaking is similar to yours. #DoubleStandards?
4. Being told you’re not lady-like
Chances are, you’ve probably heard more than your fair share of ‘larkiyan aisay nahi behave karteen.’
5. Being low-key ostracized
At some point, you’ve been left out of discussions on purpose or people have conveniently forgotten to invite you to places. It sucks, but it’s a cross you have to bear.
6. Constant lectures
The list of people who have tried to reform your personality to make you their version of a sudhri hui larki is endless.
7. Countless arguments
You get into arguments. A lot. You’ve had to defend yourself more than once and you have not held back one bit. It’s not even about defending yourself, though. You tend to enjoy productive arguments that offer a great deal of insight.
8. Struggling to control yourself around kids
You sort of have to mind what you say and be extra careful in order to not corrupt their pure, impressionable minds. You also have to hold back and not tell them off for occasionally being extreme pains in the ass.
9. Being labeled
People tend to judge you a lot and label you as they please, even if it’s based on a conversation they happened to catch midway. There will always be that one douchebag who will label you for speaking your mind regardless of what language they choose to use when they do so. How is that fair, though? Tum karo toh sahi, hum karein toh ‘beta, nahi.’
10. Straight up being called vulgar
If you’re someone who easily gets carried away with your emotions, and have absolutely no filter during discussions, people often wrongly label you as being vulgar, because they don’t understand that certain topics, no matter how unpleasant they may sound, need to be talked about. If they don’t understand, well, too bad.
11. Being told you’ll die alone by every aunty/uncle/rishtedaar ever
This is a given, because no one wants a chalaak, ziada bolne wali bahu. And everyone, much like always, assumes that you need a man to complete your existence.
12. Being told to tone it down because you’re intimidating
You’ve probably been told you’re intimidating, even if you’re the most approachable person you know. Strong, bold opinions tend to give off that vibe.
13. Being told you’re emasculating
Chances are, if you have guy friends with easily bruising egos, they’ve projected their insecurities onto you by calling you emasculating. As long as you’re not condescending and judgmental, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Being an outspoken girl is actually pretty great for a society that needs stands to be taken. It doesn’t mean that you’re a horrible person who wants to crush everyone else under the weight of your opinion (though if you are, you should probably stop and try to be a bit more accepting of other perspectives). It just means that you have a strong emotional connection with topics you feel deeply about, and that’s perfectly okay. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Cover image via: MangoBaaz