Editor’s Note: The views expressed here are those of the author’s and don’t necessarily represent or reflect the views of MangoBaaz.
By: Mehran Jamro
Look, I support this famininsm, ok, I take good care of my pet wife. But all this mumbo-jumbo in Pakistan about women rights and stuff is just too much for me. Like, which sane Pakistani woman wouldn’t want a good thrashing from her husband?
Take my pet wife for example, it just loves a good Sunday afternoon jootay with some Chai-soda. It loves the maar so damn much that the last time I hit it (last night) it tried to give me harpic-wali chai-soda for my dinner-drink! Just look at it trying to please me (shooo cute), I guess it thought Harpic was milk!!! I hit it again for almost killing me though.
Stupid and inferior is what a woman is. This is why:
1. It cannot keep the daarhi
There is a reason why God didn’t give the woman the beard. I don’t know that reason, but wooman sux.
2. Hitler was not a woman.
Tum jeeto ya haaro hum tumhare saath hain GA Hitler, Hail Hitler.
3. They are too stoopid
^^^EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE FROM NASA (Nasha Apnayen Sasta Association) demonstrating that women are born stupid.
4. Not one great personality on earth is a woman
I mean, how many of Shakespearean plays have been written by a woman?
How many women have written Harry Potter?
How many wars have a woman won?
Like, don’t even try to answer, because I know if you’re trying to defend women you yourself are a woman, thus too stupid to argue with me.
5. They want “rights”, LOL
OMIGAWD!!! I’M SERIOUSLY DYING HERE!!! I WAS JOKING! They don’t want any rights, I mean what kind of good, sane religious woman would like to live in a world in which everyone should receive equal treatment and not be discriminated against based on their gender.
HA. HA. Pagli rights mangti hai.
6. Women are evil
They are seductresses, those devil’s spawn.
YA ALLAH, WHAT KIND OF IMTEHAAN ARE YOU PUTTING ME IN???
7. They will be the reason many men will go to dozakh
It’s in the Quran, ok? Don’t argue with me, I know my Quran better than you…
…Ok, it isn’t in the Quran, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t in the Quran.
I recently found out that some species of the woman like to paint their nails with color. BLASPHEMY! BLASPHEMY! JAHANNUM FOR THE INFIDELS!!!
The women of this generation have mocked God’s baby-producing, female gender by distorting its image with second-rate urine-like materials. These women are filthy, prostitute wannabes for committing such atrocious sins.
ASTAGHFIRULLAH! Faithful men (like me) would never allow our pet wives to ever apply any paint-like liquid to their body.
9. It does not cover itself
Y’know what they say, “if you can’t kill it, cover it”.
11. God made them for Jharoo Pocha
“Mujhe bohot khaansi hai, aurat mard ki maasi hai”
12. Because our reputed Molvi Saab, Sheikh Nohomo Preachullah Khan says so
^^^Mashallah brother is lookin too hawtz :*
13. It’s a man’s world out there *case closed*
I know, some of you women (more like, vermin) will disagree with me and be all like “Oh no, you’re just an illiterate, fundamentalist mullah, who knows nothing about democracy, gender equality and freedom of speech, and is just spouting hate from his mouth! How dare you write this post? This just goes to show that us women are suppressed by people like you! Shame on you…”
And I agree with you.
Note: This article is SATIRE and only meant for entertainment. I am a stout supporter of women and transgender rights and by no means do I support discrimination of any kind, misogyny or chauvinism.
About the Author: Mehran is a devout napper. Music mawali. Apple Sidra is his chars. Samosas are his weakness.
Cover Image via: Mag The Weekly