Every Pakistani gathering is filled with a wide spectrum of individuals with differing personalities and this certainly serves as a decent entertainment when your phone’s internet isn’t working. If you’ve ever bumped into any of them or had the opportunity to observe casually from the sidelines, you’ll notice that these are the types of people you’d meet at almost every desi event:
1. The Rishta Aunties
They’re everywhere. They leave their houses specifically to hunt down eligible bachelors or gori doctor bahus. This is their entire purpose in life. They’ll pretend to be interested in your life, but their questions will only revolve around your age, the degree you’re pursuing, how well off your khaandaan is and if you’re domesticated enough to fit into her family.
2. The Commentators
They will gather at these events to discuss why they should run Pakistan instead of Nawaz Sharif, why Imran Khan’s marriages fail, how Ayyan Ali should dress more decently while attending court sessions and other irrelevant topics that nobody really gives two shits about.
3. The Bored AF Uncles
They’re usually seen sulking in corners or at tables, waiting for their wives (presumably the rishta aunties) to get done with their shenanigans.
4. The Shameless Hogs
They’re just there for the food. They’ll casually interrupt ongoing conversations multiple times with ‘waisay khaana kab lagega?’ or ‘kaafi deir nahi hogayi khaana lagne main?’ Once the food comes out, they forget that they’re from a family where they’re fed four square meals a day. You can usually point them out because of the heaped pile of food on their plates which they’re most likely going to waste.
5. The Khussar Phussars
These are the people who know what’s up between Khan Sahab’s daughter and Malik Sahab’s son. They know who’s chacha’s bhanji ran away with whom, who’s fighting with their maid, who’s getting a divorce and a bunch of other information that they’ve obtained through shady means.
6. The Conversation Killers
Anyone who starts their conversation with ‘kitnay barey hogaye ho’ or ‘shaadi kab karni hai?‘is purely going through the motions. Their attempts at making conversation fails before even beginning.
7. The Restless Children
You kind of want to drug them and watch the light leave their eyes because they’re loud, annoying and completely useless in a formal setting, but they’re cute at times, so you let it go.
8. The Amreeki
They can’t stop flaunting their fake accent and their tales about how everything is cleaner or better abroad never end. They make you want to wish they’d stayed back if they loved it that much.
9. The Price Tag
They HAVE to talk about their new expensive watch, how much their questionably genuine purse cost and how they luckily swiped the latest Sana Safinaz before it sold out. No one cares, but they keep talking anyway.
10. The Awkward Anti Social Clan
You can tell they’ve been dragged there against their will. They try to look busy on their phones and their forced smiles fail to hide their blatant discomfort.
11. The Selfie Enthusiasts
If you want to vicariously be present at the event, just follow them on Snapchat. Sure, it’ll be a 200 second story with just their faces, but you’ll get the general idea.
12. The Catty Aunties
They have some beef with each other and it keeps surfacing through their snide remarks towards each other. They’re the only real entertainment, tbh.
13. The Whiners
They keep complaining about everything – the noise, the lighting, the food and pretty much anything else they can complain about.
14. The Wannabe Studs
These guys roam around the hall with ridiculously high levels of confidence. They’re under the impression that every girl wants them, which makes them approach said girls and make utter fools of themselves.
15. The Teens In A Corner
There’s always that group of teenagers in their own corner, doing their thing and minding their own business, only stirring for the occasional salaam to a passing auntie or uncle.
16. The In-Training Bahu
Her mother has prepped her in the best way possible to be the ideal bahu. She’s basically there to be flaunted shamelessly by her family to impress potential in-laws.
17. The Newly Wed Couple
There’s always that one couple that has to make mandatory post-shaadi rounds for societal acceptance. They end up getting bombarded with shit like ‘toh good news kab dogay?‘ or ‘bachon ka kya irada hai?‘ even though it’s no one else’s business.
18. The over dressers
Probably under the impression that the event is thrown solely in their honor, these people tend to go a tad bit overboard when it comes to getting dressed.
19. The under dressers
The exact opposite, these people forget they’re at a formal event. Major props to them for having the confidence, considering they know they’ll get judged by pretty much everyone there.
20. The Pervs
Silently creeping in a corner and probably sneaking pictures on phones they shouldn’t be allowed to use, these people are an absolute disgrace and should be banned from public gatherings altogether, especially since they put on a shareef front.
21. The Treasures of Talent
Someone probably told them once that they can sing or are great at shaiyiri. They use these gatherings to display this talent, even if the idea is unwelcome by a vast majority.
22. The Ridiculously Attractive Guy/Girl
That one person you have your eye on for most of the event. They’re probably the hottest person there and you keep hoping they’ll come up to you and strike a conversation.
23. The Ones Impatient To Leave
They’re bored from the word go. They’ve obviously been forced to attend and can’t wait to leave, which is evident by the multiple times they look at their watches and say ‘chalein?’ In their defense, once the food’s dished out and done with, everyone becomes impatient to leave.
What other kinds of folks do you see at your gatherings?
Cover Image via: Daily Mail