Divorce has a stigma attached to it in our society. It is rarely talked about and heavily discouraged. Couples who resort to the option are not encouraged and often have to face social exclusion.

While there is no denying that women after divorce in Pakistan have to face a lot of difficulties, the perspective of men never comes across

We decided to get in touch with divorced men to ask about divorce experiences and get their voices heard

Each one of them had a different story to tell, but this story and this narrative never comes forward. This is why we feel the need to get these stories heard. Here is what divorce was like for them:

“She was the love of my life”

“I was extremely devastated after the divorce. You imagine marriage being the ultimate relationship and you finally having someone to love, a love that lasts a lifetime. But that was not the case and my marriage ended soon. The pain never really goes away. At times, I also want to shout at people for painting marriage as the ultimate thing because for me it was not.”

“Old age requires a companion”

“I am a man in late 40s and by this age, living alone has become one of the most difficult tasks in life. Years pass by easily in young age, one has multiple activities to indulge in. But with old age, there is rarely any energy to go out of the house. I miss having someone to talk to and do stuff with.”

“The sympathy killed me”

“After the divorce, all eyes are on you. They don’t care about what you are experiencing, feeling and what goes on in your head. They all will just look at you with “sympathy” (as they like to call it), like your life just ended. I could not deal with it, the last thing I needed was sympathy. I just wanted to get back to my routine but the people around me just would not let me. And they would constantly bring up the topic, saying how sorry they are about the whole thing.”

“It was a huge relief”

“I did not want to marry her at all. My parents just emotionally blackmailed me into it and it was obvious that it was not going to work, but they were adamant that they knew better. I was so glad when everyone else could also clearly see that the chapter needs to be closed before any further mess is created. I am a happy man now!”

“We worked better as best friends”

“It was a mutual decision. We both realized that we were great together but not as partners. The chemistry which identifies a couple was absolutely absent between us and we did not want to spend the rest of our lives like that. So, it was a happy divorce. She is married now to someone she loves and I am too. We are glad we took the decision.”

“I miss my children”

“We ended everything on very bad terms and have not contacted each other ever since. In this process, my children have been taken away from me. I don’t get to meet them or talk to them. I have no clue what is going on in their lives and it breaks my heart to live like this.”

“We became the target of family rivalry”

“It is sad how families want to decide your life partner for you and you whole heartedly accept their decision. You accept the person as your partner and then one suit less or lack of telephonic invitation causes a havoc and down the drain goes your relationship. No one cares about your emotional well being. It is all about showing off to the society. You are expected to be a robot and put up with it. There is no love for us in this society, only societal face saving. I remarried but don’t feel anything at all and nobody cares as long as we have kids and the money is coming in.”

“It is hard finding rishtas after divorce”

“There is stigma attached with divorce in our society and people tend to overlook the fact that it is an option given to those couples who don’t get along, and it is okay to use that option. It took me quite a while to get accustomed to the fact that nobody wants to wed off their daughter to someone who is divorced, as if that is somehow a definition of who I am as a person.”

“I adopted a baby”

“For me marriage is a one time thing, and divorce shattered several of my ideas about it. I realized then that life does not have any hard and fast rules. At the end of the day, it is only you who has to take charge of everything. So, I decided to do everything that I would have done while I was married. The only difference was that I was going to be on my own, looking after the house and my own life. The best decision was to adopt a baby boy. Azaan has changed my life and given me a whole new perspective and made my life meaningful again.”

These are extremely personal stories and very difficult to share because people rarely ever look at the emotional aspect of it. And since men are encouraged to not show emotions, they fight a war within. But hearing these stories makes you realize that divorce also can be a happy or a bad experience, just like anything else in the world. This is why we need to talk about it more often and understand that there is nothing wrong with those who choose to avail this option.

This Single Mom Picked Herself Up After Getting Divorced Very Young And Rebuilt Her Life As A Successful Educationist

Here’s Why Sometimes It’s Better To Divorce Than Live In A Bad Marriage

Cover image via: mustbethistalltoride.com