Some days your uterus is just a pain, literally
Dedicated to the gift of life that is menstruation and periods and all the pain that comes with it. This nifty list is an ode to all the days when you want to pull your uterus out:
1. You count days until the D-day.
No, P day.
2. The moment when you’re hit with pangs in your tummy, it’s the reckoning.
3. Getting on your period at the most inconvenient fucking time.
4. Load up on pain killers before it hits you.
5. Decide to download a tracker app to know exactly when you should be expecting your periods.
6. Vow to drink lots of milk in the pre-menstrual days but end up never doing it.
Instead you go for your usual sodas and coffee.
7. Think of all the ways you’d want to die.
8. Go for desi totkay like haldi doodh.
Which I would like to swear by.
9. Get a hot water bottle.
10. Some kalonji or lavender oil.
11. And a litaarnay/massage kernay wala/wali.
12. Crying
13. Lots and lots of crying.
14. Feeling like killing everything that walks and talks.
Other than a cat. Because they’re literally so therapeutic.
15. Craving chocolate and peanuts and crackers and fries and a doughnut.
16. And nachos and fried chicken and pizza and ice-cream.
17. But never getting to have ice-cream ’cause ammi kehti hein thandi cheezein na khao.
18. Staying in bed all day and night.
19. Watching a sad romantic film and crying some more.
20. Hating on every girl who doesn’t get menstrual pains as bad as you.
21. Loading up on tissues.
22. More crying.
23. Craving a human that is okay with dealing with your bullshit.
24. Cuddle with your human.
25. Spamming your friends with texts like:
“i hate life”
“why does God hate us?”
“why is being a woman so damn painful”
“fuck you”
“i’m dying”
26. Thinking it’s over but being greeted with the unwanted surprise “gift”
27. But then… waking up one morning, feeling like a princess.
Things are going to be okay for you and your uterus, after all.
28. Until the next time…
Hang in there, champ.
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Cover image via: Hum Network Limited