The Curse of the Big Fat Toes: Imagine you’re Cinderella, you’ve found your perfect prince, you’re at the ball in the most beautiful gown, the clock strikes twelve and you have to rush home because of your evil soteli maa ke roz ke naye tamashay. What you leave behind, aren’t perfectly chiseled glass slippers, they’re ugly crocs. Because guess what? Glass slippers would never come in size 41.
Haye Allah, kuch tou meri izzat rakh letay.
The prince would look at those crocs and probably abandon the search for his one true love. You would thank your lucky stars because you wouldn’t want to be the one to fit in those ugly, neon colored, rubber shoes anyway.
Here are some of the struggles of the big footed in everyday life:
1. You spend the whole season in two pairs of shoes.
Jootay dou hee achay
2. You postpone shoe shopping till you absolutely have to.
Until your shoes are rags and tags, you can’t be bothered to go shopping because the whole experience is an emotional roller-coaster. Every expedition needs a twenty-minute pep-talk and you have to mentally prepare yourself to end up having to buy the tenth-best option you picked out.
3. Trying shoes off the rack is a joke
Some people just stride past racks and racks of shoes, spot the perfect wedge sandals or peep-toe heels, effortlessly slip into a pair while casually fidgeting with their phones. You wish you had that liberty. Every time you see something you like, you have to ask for a pair from the salesperson whilst reminding yourself not to get too attached because it might not come in your size at all.
4. You walk in the store, ask for the biggest size they have and IT STILL DOESN’T FIT SOMETIMES.
Bet you’ve walked into a store and asked for the biggest size they stock because you’re never too sure about your size yourself. Sometimes a 39 might fit like glove and sometimes even a 43 might just be too big. The struggle is real.
5. Online shopping can never be real for you.
How dare you find those gorgeous Valentino dupes online? Do you not live with yourself?
6. Something as fun as bowling alleys can also be a cause of embarrassment for you.
Shouldn’t this be a perfect stress-relief? A rush of endorphin? We’re afraid not. You usually have to wait till the very end of the line so the crowd thins out and you whisper slowly, “size 41”
The person on the counter doesn’t ask you if you were a man in your pichla janam but he might as well have.
7. You can’t embrace all of the new fashion trends because…obviously.
8. The shoes that are in your size are butt-ugly.
More often than not, you ask for a pair of shoes and the salesperson brings butt-ugly shoes instead because those are the only ones you deserve. Blame it on your genes!
9. You have, more than once, bought a shoe size too small and too uncomfortable because, life.
10. If by some act of God, you find something cute in your size, you’d even take them to bed.
Unlike Rose who did let go, you’ve made promises to your footwear and you’re not planning to break them anytime soon.
11. The section with your shoe size always has the oldest stock.
I’m sorry bhaisaab, but Converse are so yesteryear…
12. Matching shoes to your shaadi outfit is a week-long escapade.
Yet they’re still not good enough.
13. You never get shoes off massive sales.
Smile through the pain, guys. Smile through the pain. Ah, scratch that. It’s bawling-your-eyes o’clock. Don’t just hang in there, buddy. Let it out.
14. You can’t borrow your friends’ shoes.
Maybe one day, you’d be able to go on a shopping haul from your bffs walk-in shoe-shrine but today is not that day. The time is ripe to find a new best-friend, preferably a giant or an ogre.
15. You shake it off, shake it off whenever a shoe is too big on you.
16. Remember those shoe pictures everybody was obsessed with at one point? Definitely not your scene.
17. Getting pedicures is hilarious since your feet are bigger than the poor girl’s face
Excuse me, I didn’t mean to blur your vision with my enormous man-feet.
18. Socks fit funny
Your toes always find a way to gnaw out of the socks and make a big fat mess. Ah, the wobbly woes of the big fat toes.
19. Your feet might just be the same size as your significant other
Since apparently aurat ki khubsurati uske peyron mein hay, If you’re lucky enough to get married at all, mentally prepare yourself for being a laughing stock of the family. But hey, at least your husband’s hawaii chappal would never be out-of-bounds.