Some of the most in-your-face people you meet in Pakistan are your neighbors, i.e. your parosi/hamsai. Neighbors are like second families, not because we want them to be, but because they (forcefully) make us feel as if they are.
Here’s a look at some of the aunties, phuppis, khalas and uncles that you are most likely to find (and experience) in a Pakistani neighborhood.
1. The Nangay Uncle
Be it cleaning his car, yard or welcoming guests into his home, this uncle is always either shirtless, or wears short shorts that are on the verge of being illegal. Their belly buttons are seemingly always on show.
2. The Gossip Aunty
She is the neighborhood tabloid. She has the news from all the other homes – about the old saree that Rasheeda wore to Farkhanda’s wedding, or the most recent fight between first floor’s Karnal Sahab and his second wife, or whatever.
3. The Rishtay Laganay Wali Aunty
Mind it! If you’re single, she has a problem with that. She has all her eyes on you! If you’re a young bachelor, she will have the right larki for you. If you’re a pretty little bachelorette, she will probably have her son ready for you (given that you know how to make zaiqedaar khana; also, knowing how to make gol rotis is an added bonus!).
4. The Needy Family
These people are probably the most irritating breed of human beings in the neighborhood. They never seem to have anything in their kitchen inventory. They will come ask for namak, anday, cheeni, and just about everything, anytime.
5. The Reserved Family
You are sometimes left wondering who these mysterious people are. You don’t know how many people live in their house or what time they go out and whether all of them are alive or not. They never mingle with the rest of the neighborhood. They are nice people. Probably. You wouldn’t know because you’ve hardly ever met them.
6. The Bawarchi Aunty
This aunty is your favorite for obvious reasons. Every time she cooks something delicious, she sends some your way. This is one neighbor you are never disappointed to welcome. Free food!
7. The Phaddaybaaz Family
These folks are universally despised by the neighbors. They are always ready to pick a fight with everyone else. Out of water? They are ready to whip someone up. Power outage? They go into karate mode.
8. The Annoying Ring-The-Bell-And-Run Kid
You’re in the middle of a weekend afternoon nap, gliding in dreamland, swimming in a pool of money when your sleep is broken by the annoying sound of the doorbell. You get up, rubbing your eyes and open the door only to find the presence of absolute emptiness standing in front of you. Your gut fills up with rage when you see that little brat from across the road running back into his house with a devilish grin on his face.
9. The Nosy Khoji Aunty
Everything that has absolutely nothing to do with her, is her business. She is always on the hunt for finding out whatever is happening in the lives of her neighbors. Your happiness is her happiness, your sorrow is her sorrow, and basically your life is her life. Forever curious and forever annoying.
10. The Tableeghi Uncle(s)
These Islamic brothers are good human beings, but they get on your nerves because of their constant religious lectures every time they can get near you. Also, they love halwa (LOL JK).
11. The Modern aka Maadran Larki
Let’s face it. There is always at least one girl that that make your head turn and your eyes pop out every time she goes by. The neighborhood aunties blame her parents for being so besharam, but this girl is a rebel! She never bats an eye.
12. The ‘Hero’ Larka
Then we have a guy, who strolls around the neighborhood trying to looking fabulous, with slick hair and shiny clothes, believing that every person is looking at him all the time. Some people call this guy a Londa.
13. The Farigh Aunty
She is one person who can come to your house at any time of the day/night (invited or uninvited), and sit down for a cup of tea whilst complaining about everything that is wrong with her life, her children’s lives, and how she almost met Amitabh Bachchan in her dream. They never seem to get the hint that you are busy.
14. The Loud Family
You always somehow know whatever is going on in their house. Not because you want to know, but because they unintentionally force you to listen. Be it a fight, a moment of happiness, sheer panic, or just their baby crying. Uncle ji, the reason your son doesn’t want to become a doctor is because he isn’t interested – and no, he’s not being influenced by Shaitan!
15. The Taaroo Boaays
Some people like you so much that they follow you with their eyes until you are not only out of their sight, but out of the neighborhood.