We all know going through the rishta process SUCKS.
No matter how much you may refuse it, sometimes an arranged marriage is the inevitable choice for you.
For this person, her rishta ‘dates’ are pretty much the stuff of horror stories:
I've always considered statements like #Allmenaretrash reductionist generalizations but then I unwillingly entered the rishat market & boy oh boy do desi men need a lesson in how to communicate with women! Here's a thread of the most gag worthy things that I've heard so far:
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
From ACTUAL HELL.
Ms UB, a medical student, writer and avid traveller was just looking for her own partner in crime but instead went on a series of awful rishta meetups that ended badly.
And lucky for us, she put the whole thing on Twitter.
This gem tried to flirt with me over my love for #brunch by texting: I bet your eggs are phenomenal 😈
Meanwhile I just vomited a little in my mouth #rishtahorrorstories #whyimsingle— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
When speaking with MangoBaaz, UB had pretty much just one thing to say on the subject, “word to the wise women: don’t fret. It’s easy to get worked up when something like that happens but in the poignant words of Taylor Swift, shake it off.”
Here are just a few of the experiences UB shared with the world.
The bad pickup line guy. Like, REALLY bad.
Small talk with another gentleman I was supposed to meet for coffee. On hearing that I am starving: you can eat me, I'll be a mouthful
Guess who stood him up for that rishta date. Do men miss out on basic social skills or is it merely my luck?
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
Lover guy.
Coffee date with a man I'd already said no to, but was being coerced into giving a "chance" by my folks.
Me: mein apkay liye bohat shaded burger hon, hamari kabhi nai banay gi
Guy in a misplaced accent: burgers make great lovers *his gaze moves to my chest*Please kill me God.
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
The guy who can’t take a hint. For two years
Got set up with a friend's brother-in-law who was well into his 30s & also a UfT grad. Escatatic about the age difference, he kept on calling me "babydoll" 🤢 even after I asked him to stop. Against good judgement, I met him nonetheless because my friend kept on insisting.
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
(Cont) certain that there will be no second date, I texted the guy who proceeded to text, whatsapp, email, call, facetime and facebook message me for 2 fucking years. I knew his family! Like wtf is wrong with you dude. No means no. Have some self respect.
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
She also encountered this dude with some serious emotional issues to deal with before he gets married
Not big on texting (it takes too long, texts can be evasive, jokes don't translate), I always opt for a call followed by a real date. This psycho I met through a matrimonial site made me sorry for my process. Not only was he paranoid af, he was an emotional pressure cooker
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
(Cont) he screamed at me for a full minute before I realized I could hang up & block his misogynistic ass. Have been scared to pick up calls from unkown numbers since.
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
There’s also this guy who ate everything they offered during the rishta meeting and then lectured her over history
How did I forget this keeper! A very plain looking CSS officer came to our house with his father, gorged all the food & with a mouthful of kebab questioned me about my view on Mohammad bin Qasim. The situation was so comical, I asked btw muffled laughter why that was important
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
Bad idea! Proceeded to get a one hour lecture on Mohammad bin Qasim from him and his father. The whole situation was so deranged, even my otherwise serious parents couldn't help but crack up. We were collectively so glad when they left. There were also absolutely no leftovers
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
Oh and it wasn’t just the rishtas that are the stuff of nightmares – meet the Monster-in-law:
Friend read this thread & reminded me tht I forgot about the mother-in-law from hell. So her son is currently living in Toronto & I'm hoping to move back soon. She was VERY keen we get engaged without ever meeting up. To her the concept of the prospective brides consent was alien
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
After my mom talked some sense into her, the guys mom unwillingly budged. The boy was too traditional for my liking, I was too unconventional for the boys liking, we both mutually agreed that there is absolutely nothing here, no hard feeling what so ever. But wait, plot twist
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
Boys mother was so butthurt she called my mom outraged & told her that I was a self professed boozing baghairait with multiple affairs & that she'd seen scantily dressed drunk pictures of me in a nightclub in Turkey & that if my mother wasn't this busy working she would've known
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
But ofc she couldnt help herself & had to be bitchy even when apologizing. Shamelessly tells Ami: abhi to inki shadi nai hoi, is nay to pehlay hi meray baitay ko apnay kabo mein ker lia hai aur hamari larai keradi. Slow clap for aunty. You learned nothing!Stop watching @StarPlus
— UB. (@PunjabiUnicorn) August 23, 2018
UB has got lots more of such scarring incidents on her Twitter.
To sum it up in advice for potential rishtas that she meets, here’s what she says, “for desi men: Please get some game and stop using terrible pickup lines.”
Obviously, these accounts do not reflect the behavior of EVERY desi man or woman in the world. However, it does give great insight into what the average man and woman are thinking during the duration of this very delicate rishta date dance.
Do you have any rishta experiences of your own? Any horror stories? Any happy ones? Let us know what you think in the comments below! Love you.
21 Pakistani Rishta Nightmare Stories That Will Make You Rethink Marriage
17 Dramatic Dialogues Your Rishtaydaar Always Use To Create Drama In Your Life
Cover image via: guiltybytes.com