The Life And Times Of A Keyboard Jihadi In Pakistan

The Life And Times Of A Keyboard Jihadi In Pakistan

Last night was extremely distressing. I stayed up all night writing a longer-than full-length-feature comment on the Qandeel Baloch issue. I mean I did not agree with what Qandeel did and I wrote longer than full-length-feature comments even when she was alive too, under all her videos. Nothing significant, just told her what she was doing was nothing but the objectification of women and merely requested her to stop doing this because I kind of do not agree with all this “do-you-own-thing” phenomenon. Hence, it was my responsibility to knock some sense into her.


So I decided to make my middle fingers the ultimate jury and fought hard to make people think like me, again, with my longer than full-length-feature comments.

I don’t know if that worked but it is all irrelevant now. Now that she is dead, I will fight for her right to live on with my powerful words and until my last breath unlike my comments against her right to do whatever the heck she wanted to do. Mainly because it was not her place to choose, in the first place.

Maybe nobody was being harmed by her silly videos, it was still my duty to tell the women of my country the difference between right and wrong for I am the protector in this digitally connected world. Most of you libtards may call me a keyboard jihadi. Also, Qandeel’s videos were my guilty pleasure. God, she was fierce.

Qandeel Baloch Fighter

Today, I am feeling extra ferocious

Many of detractors are of the view that my views regarding the whole Pakistan-India situation are troublesome. I mean I am not a supporter of war and I certainly do not want to die an untimely death but I think it’s crucial to respond back with the same intensity with which my Indian counterparts are spreading unrest.

Source: evilenglish,net

There isn’t going to be a nuclear war, it’s all topi drama anyway so might as well just gain some popularity with my fierce views. And then there is feminism that I need to talk against and oh my God, I still have to give magainst all the elite institutions, start-ups and campaigns, no matter whatever service they are providing to this community.


Unfortunately, I am not the only kind. There are others who would fight for someone’s right to do whatever they want but then would be the first ones to criticize. At least, I am not a hypocrite.

Only yesterday, there was this girl who has never said one positive thing about anyone or anything in this entire world, was asking someone else to please stop being butt hurt at what some blogger had written. It was amusing to me, honestly but I guess I still respect her because she has been a fellow keyboard jihadi. I mean we might lack the ability to do something practical but at least we have the courage to tackle people with our words. Not a lot of people have that, honestly.


Anyway, time to warp up and sleep. Early morning jihad tomorrow, you know. But towards the end, I will just leave you with this note:

“Mere verbal utterances are not what we need at the moment. It is, indeed, good to profess a precept, but better to preach it with practice for it is the precept that counts basically, but it is the example that matters ultimately. The change, undeniably, is gradual and hesitant and the prospect of a paradigm shift seems bleak, it is nonetheless probable. Good day, cheers.”


Editor’s note: This was satire, in case you didn’t get it.

Cover Image Via: Al Jazeera America

Yaar, newsletter join ker lo.

Latest Videos