Exactly nine months ago, after I finally graduated, I moved back home with my family.

I didn’t know how to feel. Everything was a blur. I couldn’t feel happy or even sad, mainly because I didn’t know if leaving the life I lived as a broke yet carefree college student was better than the employed yet uncertain life that awaited me.

I guess, an uncertain future is always scarier than the past that we’re already comfortable with thereby, making it easier for us to keep dwelling in it.

Amidst all the chaos, I had to vacate my hostel room right after my graduation. The unrestricted freedom that I had enjoyed for the past four years was over and it was finally hitting me. Because I’m a young woman in Pakistan with family in the same city I was planning on staying in so I had no other option but to move back home with all my belongings because, goddamnit, I didn’t even have a job back then.

The first few days were all about relaxing, eating and putting up graduation pictures on Facebook and Instagram.

But then, everybody at home started asking about my future plans

I realized that I needed to get out of the house and actually apply to places that I wanted to work at.

Long story short, I got exactly the kind of job I wanted and the first two months were great mainly because everybody was back home for summer break and I didn’t really have to worry about meeting my university friends. I was equally excited about seeing them once the summer break was over.

Things didn’t really turn out the way I wanted them to be after everything settled down and here are a few things that actually happened when I FINALLY moved back home after graduation.

Staying out till late wasn’t really an option for me anymore and all my late night plans came crashing down.

My mother would freak out as soon as the clock struck 8 pm and I would start getting panicky phone calls. It wasn’t like my family didn’t trust me, but that’s just how things work in Pakistan as parents don’t really know how things have changed for women over the years, we’re more stronger and independent now.

Nothing was the spur of the moment anymore. On most days, I would go back home as soon as I was done with my office hours because the family needed car and the driver couldn’t wait till 10 pm for me (which was fair, tbh). Even though, I loved my work place, I craved to hang out with my friends the way we used to. However, turns out, not everyone is your friend, most of them are just your ‘fun buddies’ and as soon as you are not around anymore, you are replaced. BAM!

Once graduated, you’ve got to rebuild your life and as scary as it seems, it’s important.

Your friends circle start reducing and even though you used to think you knew all about people when you were in the university, you now realize that you don’t know shit about them. You realize you are not actually an adult and no matter how much you hate  it, it is SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT that you go through all of this to finally understand who you are, what you want and above all, how the world operates.

As dark as it sounds, you need to be deceived, lied to, cheated on and screwed over at least once to realize that you cannot have everything the way you want it to be.

For anyone about to go through this, don’t let these bitter experiences eat you from inside. Realize that life after graduation is going to be helluva change

Just know that after you graduate and go out in the real world, you are going to get lots of opinions, often unsolicited, but you will. Learn to block the noise.

You might not be able to make plans without checking up with your family and even your friends first.

You’ll earn and you can use that money to do something worthwhile with yourself. Be responsible. Spend on yourself and things you’ve always been passionate about. Splurge on that Ukulele that you have always wanted to buy, take yourself out, accept that everybody has their reasons for doing things that they do, go to a spa to get yourself pampered, buy gifts for yourself and the people you love and do things that make you happy.

After you graduate, you will learn things about yourself that you never knew about before. Just stay strong and hang in there. Remember, this is your way of being brave and there are different ways to be brave. That’s what growing up’s all about.

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