I Had A Gora Boyfriend For Four Years. Here's Why I Couldn't Marry Him

By Aam Nawab | 8 Jul, 2019

Having a gora boyfriend was a learning experience

Being born and raised in North America, I was pretty oblivious to a lot of things. I didn’t think of myself any different from the average white person and although I am a practicing Muslim now, I wasn’t back then. Anywhoo, I tried my best to make it work with my ex- boyfriend, and for 4 years it was working. But, as I grew older, reality set in, and I knew I had to end it due to the vast differences between us. I experienced a lot in those 4 years, which eventually contributed to the breakup. Here’s why it ended:


First off, my gora boyfriend came with baggage. And by baggage, I mean, his past relationships

It’s not a steadfast rule that Americans date, but it’s more common in their culture and brought-up than ours.

source: Pathé

My ex- boyfriend, let’s call him Alex, had two serious girlfriends from the past, and a few non-serious ones. Well, what do you know? It drove me crazy. It was one of the main reasons we fought. The past relationships, meant past memories, past pictures, past messages and well… everything. I remember going over to his house for dinner after school sometimes, and his parents would constantly talk about his ex, whether it was accidentally or purposely, I’d never know for sure. But dating was a new experience for me. And I didn’t want to have to worry about his past when it constantly popped in the present.

I had to constantly live in fear, as with any other relationship

I’m sure dating anyone would cause you to live in fear around your parents. But this was a different kind of fear.

source: Universal Pictures

It wasn’t so much that I was dating someone, it was more about the gora boyfriend. Alex used to host house parties, he’d attend them, he’d drink alcohol socially, and had an attitude of living life in the moment. But, me? Oh, how we were complete opposites. I’d never be seen at a party, let alone host one. I never drink, nor smoked, nor done any sort of drugs, unless you count panadol and the occasional antibiotics lol. I planned my whole future. I was constantly worried about what my parents would think about him if they ever did catch me. My thoughts were answered one night when my mom found out he was more than just a friend. She was quite disappointed and told me he’s not ambitious, he’s not Muslim – he’s not for you. (Turns out, she was right all along)

We had different opinions on what was right and wrong and our moral compass was way different

Many may call me a hypocrite but I still held to parts of Islam throughout my relationship.

source: ABC Studios

There were arguments over a lot of things. For example, whenever I told my boyfriend he shouldn’t drink because it wasn’t allowed in Islam, he’d quickly take a quick jab by saying technically, relationships weren’t allowed either. We constantly fought about why I couldn’t do some things while doing others. I didn’t have any reason other than it was forbidden, which wasn’t a good enough reason for him. I think it wasn’t his fault though, it was mine. When you don’t stick to your own set of rules, why would someone else?

I couldn’t share food with my gora boyfriend

Whenever we went out for lunch or dinner, we could never share food unless he ordered completely vegetarian.

source: Bright/Kauffman/Crane Productions

I was pretty strict about my ex-boyfriend’s fork touching my plate if he ever ordered meat. Both of us found this insanely annoying, but what could I do? One time, for Valentine’s he got me a box of fancy smores, and I had to throw it out because I couldn’t eat marshmallows. Yeah, broke his heart more than mine lol.


His family always wanted me to come along for vacations

They would constantly invite me to spend the holidays with them. Whether it was Christmas or Thanksgiving, they were pretty big on Christian holidays

source: We TV

The ex-boyfriend’s family wouldn’t understand why I couldn’t spend it with them if my family wasn’t celebrating anyways. This brought a lot of assumptions from their side – if I was serious with him, if I liked his family or not, etc. He would become pretty upset over it, and asked me to lie to my parents since I was doing it anyway.

In the end, we both came to realize there were too many differences

When people tell you opposites attract, that’s only to an extent. My ex-boyfriend and I were as different as black and white.

source: Deedle-Dee Productions

Other than liking a few tv-shows, we really didn’t have much in common. 4 years were busy due to school for me and other activities for him, we spent our time talking about nothing productive, honestly. There wasn’t much growth in the relationship. The growth was evident but as two separate entities rather than one whole. It’s been three years since the break-up, we do talk at least once a month, but if we go past superficial talks, we usually get into arguments pretty quickly.

Guess some things never change.


As A Pakistani-American Woman, Here’s How My Life Changed After Marrying A Pakistani Man

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Cover image via: foap.com

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