The moment my ex-boyfriend left, I realized that he took a part of me with him after the breakup and I felt incomplete without him. I seemed to have lost everything. He meant the world to me and after he left I wasn’t able to figure out that where I belonged anymore. That journey from being his ‘everything’ to ‘nothing’ was the most painful experience. I just felt empty and I thought that I had lost the ability to love someone again. I tried everything but that hollow feeling never went away.
Am I in the same place now? Absolutely not. I’ve moved on. And it took everything out of me to do so. Here’s what helped me get over this heartbreak, and I hope it helps any of you out there too, should you be in a similar situation:
Accept the reality
This is what I did. I made myself understand that this is it. So, quick advice for you, take your time and make yourself understand that there’s no love left and there’s no reason left to stay. Just accept this that once he/she was in love but now they don’t love you anymore.
Cut all connections with your ex
I know this one’s difficult. I took a lot of time to do this one. After my break-up, there were days when I just kept on stalking his profile to check what he was doing and did he get someone new in his life. But you know what? This was the most toxic thing so I had to stop. Let them be wherever they are. Do your own thing.
Talk to the right people, but know when to stop
Know who your friends are at that point. Bad advice often screws shit up. And know when to cap it off. Get everything off your chest, but don’t cling to the pain. You have to let it go at some point.
Grab a paper and a pen
To all of you who think that it’s not going to work, let me tell you all that IT DOES WORK! Grab a paper and a pen and just start writing everything you are feeling at that moment. I did this too. Initially, I wasn’t able to write a single word. Instead the paper got wet due to the tears, but later on, I wrote words which described my situation. Words turned to sentences. Finally, I ended up writing paragraphs and once I wrote all that was in my heart then I burnt the paper or at times tore it into pieces. Honestly, it gave me some peace.
Go for a morning walk alone
Spend some time near nature, you need this. Away from the noise, breathe in the fresh morning air. Don’t think about anything and just tell yourself that your wounds are going to heal and your heart will fall in love again – but this time, with the right person.
For the love of God, please don’t play those sad songs
I tortured myself with this, but then I stopped doing this to myself because it was not relieving the pain. I know it’s very difficult to suppress the urge of playing ‘that’ song, but please don’t. It will re-open your wounds which have not even healed properly.
You NEED your mom (or dad, if you’re closer to him)
Your parents can understand the pain you’re going through. Talk to them about everything, not just this thing. If you don’t feel like talking then just spend some time with them. I did this too and this was super relieving.
Make a wish list
Make a list of all things you have wanted to do since forever and help yourself do all those things. Do everything which makes you happy or makes you feel good.
Go for a short vacation
It helped me too. Just spend some time with yourself, trust me you will love it. Enjoy being in a different environment, away from all the chaos and enjoy the calmness.
Fill up all the vacuums in your routine
I kept myself busy which gave me little or no time to think about him or the failed relationship. So, please read that book, hit the gym or experiment that new recipe in your kitchen. Keep yourself busy!
Hang-out with your friends, but also meet new people
Spend time with your close friends, go out with them for a coffee or invite them to your place. Talk about your school/college and how things were back then. It made me feel better too and I am thankful to my friends for bearing with me in that shitty phase of my life.
Also, you definitely need new faces in your life. Meet new people. Try to socialize and make new friends.
Accept this that pain is a part of your life. Smile. And keep your head up.
It’s okay to be hurt, it’s okay to be in pain. But remember, the pain’s almost over. Please be a bit patient and don’t be hard on yourself. Whatever happened was not your fault. Smile through the pain. Or at least find reasons to smile.
Let someone find you!
I know you might feel that you’re not ready for this but at least be okay if someone makes a move. It’s okay to fall in love again but please heal first and then allow someone to enter into your life.
Once you have moved on, don’t hate your ex because they are the ones who taught you what it feels like to write yourself out of the wrong story. They are the ones who made you realize that this is NOT how true love should feel like. Moreover, they are the ones who indirectly made you understand the true essence of love. Wait for your own story. And don’t stop believing, ever.
Cover image via psiloveyou.xyz