Another Valentine’s Day spent single, GREAT
I am not opposed to the idea of love. In fact, I would welcome it with open arms, but until that happens, Valentine’s Day will always be a splinter in my side. And I will do everything in my power to ruin it for everyone else. WHY DO YOU GET LOVE IF I DON’T, HUH.
So here are some things you can also do on Valentine’s Day if you are single and salty AF.
1. Organize an anti-Valentine’s Day march
I am serious. We should do this or you know, just join one of those Haya Day marches that are already organized by someone else and pretend we are against the entire institution of Valentine’s Day itself cause hello, it’s so behaya.
2. Ruin your friend’s relationship by getting them into a fight with their bae
If you’re bitter and you have no friends to hang out with on Valentine’s day because they all have love in their lives, then just do a little damage to their relationship so that they cancel their V-Day plans and come crying to you. Just casually mention how their beau liked someone else’s Instagram picture and you saw it. But make sure you don’t cause lasting damage to the relationship, you don’t want that kind of bad karma.
4. Go to your favorite restaurant and order for two people. Eat all that food
Around Valentine’s Day, every single restaurant in the city has a couples deal. Just go to the restaurant with the best deal you can find and eat for two like a king. And when you’re there make sure you talk about how GROSS the food is and make disgusting sounds as you slurp down your meal. It’ll be an instant mood killer. Do make sure you get reservations done in advance warna jagah nahi milni.
4. Spread knowledge about how fake the origin story of Valentine’s Day is
IT WAS A HOLIDAY CREATED BY GREETING CARD COMPANIES TO SELL MORE CARDS. UGH.
5. Have a party with all your other single friends.
Throw the best party ever and post it everywhere on Instagram and Snapchat, so that all your coupled-up friends can see how much fun you were having and regret being in relationships cause being single honay ka apna maza hai.
6. Spy on couples and pass nasty judgmental comments
Just go to your local supermarket, stand near the section which has all the candies and chocolates and then tsk-tsk everyone who you see buying a suspicious amount of chocolate close to the date. Make them feel awkward. Just DO IT.
7. Steal your friends’ phone so they can’t call their bae
8. Give them the most silly gift you can think of (idea: tatti)
If you’re single you can bet your ass that your friends who are in relationships will come to you seeking advice for what to gift their significant other. Use this power to your advantage and suggest weird things. Like a viper, I mean WHO DOESN’T NEED A VIPER, am I right or am I right?
9. Purchase all the red roses so no one else can buy them
A day before Valentine’s Day hit all the major flower shops in your city and buy the roses out. Set up a big stall on the big day and sell each rose for twice the price you got it for. All the aashiqs will have no choice but to get them for their loves and you get to make a little money on top of it. HOW AWESOME.
10. Crash your friends’ date
Do you know how you can ruin a date? Crash their date. Now, it will, in all probability, lead to a fight but congratulations, you ruined their Valentine’s Day so you win.
11. If you’re too lazy to actually do anything practice giving dirty looks at couples
You know those happy couples everywhere? In cars staring lovingly at each other during traffic signals? At restaurants as they share desserts? Well just look at them angrily. Make them squirm with your stink eye. Just ruin their date, okay.
Honestly, being the grinch of Valentine’s Day is 82.5% of my entire personality. I am the type of petty that requires everyone around me to be as miserable as me. So yes, I hope you aren’t anything like me and will dismiss all this kachra advice for what it is; trash.
Have fun on Valentine’s Day. I hope yours is better than mine (no I don’t). BYEEE.
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Cover Image Via: Hum Network Limited