LUMS is one of the most prestigious institutions of Pakistan. It is always in the news, sometimes for not-so-prestigious things but, oh well, even the best of us have our bad days.

There has been lots of talk on the experiences and types of students you will meet at LUMS, but far too little attention has been paid to the professors. We’ve listed the 18 types you’re sure to meet during your time there:

1. The ‘cool dude’

He tries way too hard to be in with the students and does his best to convince you that he’s one of you and not one of ‘them’. He will hand out A grades like Rs.10 notes on Eid and fully accepts that you missed the exam because you ‘had a late night, last night’. Enroll in his class for a boost to your GPA at the expense of ‘learning’.

2. The old relentless lecturer

This instructor genuinely doesn’t care whether you’re listening or not, present or not, awake or asleep. He will teach a class of 50 the same way he will teach a class of one. With a complete disregard for your existence. AND all his classes will always be at 8 o’clock morning. You’ve been warned.

3. The super passionate one

He will frequently turn up to class with his sweater on, inside out and will proceed to leave chalk marks all over his face and clothes in his ecstasy at a particular line in Shakespeare. Great, if you share his passion, incomprehensible if your idea of literature is Sidney Sheldon.

4. The sarcastic feminist

She’s jaded and far too tired for your shit. Shut up and listen in class or you’ll become the brunt of a very very sharp insult. Also, if you don’t have something smart to say, avoid speaking at all.

5. The hippie

This instructor just wants to talk about stuff. You know, life stuff. Especially stuff that isn’t on your syllabus. Skim through your reading and bullshit away. He will accept any response as a valid response.

6. The one you can’t believe has a degree from Harvard

Apparently degrees from fancy universities do not a teacher make. It’s really no use if he can’t communicate anything he’s learnt, to you. He will have impossibly high standards, but will be at a complete loss as to how to explain them to you.

7. The juggat baaz

He’s just looking for an opportunity to make fun of you. All of you. And he won’t let a joke go for the entire semester. If you’re the guy who accidentally spilled tea on his trousers before class that one time, prepare to be reminded of it in every class. Practice your fake laugh in advance.

8. The demanding one

This one’s a real toughie. Usually found in the SDSB, he won’t tolerate late comers, absentees, and heavy breathers. Be very careful. He fails students for lulz.

9. The cute teddy bear type who laughs at his own jokes

He has cute little slideshows and notes to read from in class. You can tell he giggled over his own jokes as he wrote them down in his notes. He’s too adorable to not listen to, and is convinced you’re all little Einsteins just waiting to be discovered.

10. The one you have a brain crush on

If you could, you’d dissect his brain and take it out for dinner and a movie.

11. The one who ruins it by being too aware of their sexy brain

And he had so much potential.

12. The one who is disappointed with life

He can’t believe he ended up in front of a class full of imbeciles trying to make them care about the French Revolution.

13. The tharki

Students, beware. Comes in both male and female forms. ‘Office Hours’ are basically an ogle-fest.

14. The one everyone has a crush on

Haye. The way he rolls his shirt sleeves to reveal those beyond gorgeous forearms…

This does not refer to any actual professor, okay. It doesn’t. Or does it?

15. The one with no privacy setting on facebook

Enough said.

16. The mystical philosoper

You’re struggling to keep up with their thought processes as they have what looks like a divine experience in every class. You catch vague snatches of phrases and try to make something coherent out of it.

17. The enthusiastic newbie

They’ve just started teaching and oh my God they’re excited. They have resources, and extra hand outs and fun facts all lined up just for you.

18. The one who will try and give you ‘life lessons’ in every class

He’s got it all figured out. He will draw on his vast life experience to guide you, and anybody who disagrees… well, consider yourself warned.

These are some of the many types of professors at LUMS, does your college have similar folks?