Adventure is found in the DNA of Pakistanis and taking a public bus is nothing short of that. Heading over to school/college/work in the morning or on your way back home, you are bound to stumble upon quite a few characters you wished hadn’t left their homes.
We have made a list of the top 13 passengers we all dread travelling with on a public bus:
1. The Taroo Maroo
There is always an uncle on the public bus ogling you up with protruding eyeballs. And there is nothing that can stop him from doing so. Man, he is persistent.
2. The Paan-spitter
You must have come across stains from paan ki peek on the walls of the public buses and near the window – these are the gifts from our paan-addict fellow countrymen. Let us warn you: Never – I repeat never ever – sit behind a paan chewing uncle. He won’t refrain from spitting in the moving bus and showering you with the precious bits of tobacco and the ever so flavorsome red peek. And this honor is not limited to the back-benchers, the commuters sharing the same route are bestowed with the same prestige.
3. Dhuwain ki Factory
There are quite a few constant sources of Carbon Monoxide found on public buses – even if there is a “No Smoking” sign on the bus. After all, “My lyf, my rulx!”
4. The Hygiene Conscious
Oh the horrors of being infected from the germs and bacteria growing on every inch of the public bus. This individual considers every passenger infected of zombie bite. There is a very easy way to identify a hygiene conscious brat: They refrain from touching anything, they keep their nose covered to avoid any filthy smell from conquering their nostrils and most importantly, they keep a hand sanitizer handy and use it often.
5. The Infected
You are always bound to come across an ailing, infected individual during your trip on the public bus. They sneeze and cough throwing their bacteria and other components your way to savour while they last.
6. The Darpok
This person has probably had a run-in with multiple thieves (who we’re discussing in Point 8, jbtw) or they’re traveling for the first time so they’re scared of everything and everyone on the bus.
7. The Stinky One
Oh God, please spare us this kind! They’ll burn your nostril hair with either their body odour or their gaseous releases.
8. The Thief
Beware! There is always a pickpocket on every public bus. Whether it’s your wallet, your watch, your ring or even a button… they need something to get their hands on.
9. High-pitched Teenagers
There is nothing more annoying than the squalling of teenage girls on an already noisy public bus. Selfies; make-up; body spray; checking their reflection in the mirror every other minute to ensure that the strand of hair they tucked up in a certain way hasn’t left its spot; and debating in their high-pitched tone which guy is more cute and which one is more popular. Oh God, mercy!
10. Personal Space Evader
Once you step on a public bus say goodbye to your personal space because you are doomed to come across a Personal Space Evader, who just denies you any chance of comfort you imagined of enjoying during your trip. This person has nothing to entertain himself/herself; hence, he/she tries to strike up a conversation and takes no notice of your attempts to end it. Furthermore, this person tries to hover over your cell phone screen, in case you try to engross yourself in your phone to avoid them.
11. The Loud Speaker
“Hain kiaaaa? Awaaz nahi aa rahi!!!!” The Loud Speaker directly attacks your ear drum. They keep yelling, “Kia keh rahay ho? Bus main hoon, awaaz nahi aa rahi”, but keep their cell phone glued up to their ears and keep the conversation rolling. Chahay baat samajh aey ya nahi, free minutes use kar lo bhai.
12. Sweaty Pants
They are the replacement of a bathroom shower. The only difference is that bathroom shower sprays water, they spray sweat.
13. The DJ
A live DJ will keep your ride on a bus somewhat less excruciating only if your music taste matches theirs because they don’t give a “beat” whether the song is decent or not, whether the audience is interested or not, or whether the music is according to the mood or not. They just start a jamming session anywhere anytime, sharing their music collection by blasting it off from their earphones.
Nonetheless, we hope you manage to enjoy while the wheels on the bus go round and round all through the town…
Cover image via: carmudi.pk