Editor’s Note: The views expressed here are those of the author’s and don’t necessarily represent or reflect the views of MangoBaaz.

By: Haniya Ahmed

It’s me. The girl who was killed in the name of honor, Qandeel Baloch. I was receiving death threats for some time now but our government did nothing about it. Knowing the fact that I’m not safe, I went to live in Multan with my family. Because nothing’s safer than your closed ones around you, right?

I believed that too until my brother gave me a pill and then started strangling me. I fought for my life. I tried to push him away but he was totally in control of me. I became pale, my face was bruised and swollen. I was losing all energy to save myself and then my world became blank. And then I was no more.

Today I want to confess it’s not my brother who killed me, it’s you.

I did not hide. I did not lie.

It’s each and everyone of you. You all killed me. I was always bold in confessing things and so today for the last time I’ll be bold again. You all are hypocrites. I did things publicly, maybe because of fame or publicity, but yes. I did not hide. I did not lie. You people do acts worse than what I did. But the difference is, you all are hypocrites. I had the audacity to say THIS IS WHO I AM, whereas, you didn’t. I really hope your honor is restored now. You guys enjoyed watching my videos for pleasure. You guys watch all sorts of videos in private and enjoy them. If I stopped making such videos, you’d crave and check my page again and again to see if there’s any post from me. Just when you step out of your room after watching my videos, you’d say “this girl should be killed” Hypocrites!

You didn’t even know my story.

Maybe I became ‘Qandeel’ from ‘Fauzia’ because I had no choice? Maybe I changed because of something that happened in my past? Maybe, if you had given me time to live, I would have changed and I would have been a different girl? Who were you to judge me? To take away my life? To label me as a sinner? You people are blind in the name of religion, right? What does Islam say? Does it entertain honor killings? Are the lives of women so worthless? You hate the West but they don’t kill you for being who you are, they don’t have their ‘honor’ between the legs of a woman. They don’t consider themselves a better judge than God. They live and let live. You want to call me a bad woman? Go ahead. But let me tell you that you’re no less. We just have different ways. But sadly in my country we kill the people who stand up publicly showing who they want to be. I never even harmed anyone, in fact, I had the courage to speak about certain things. It was just me. I was outspoken, I couldn’t be a hypocrite like others. I chose to be this way because it was MY life and He gave it to me.

You were no one to step in between and kill me just for the sake of your so called honor.

Where is this honor when men stare women publicly on streets, when daughters are killed even before they come into this world, when little girls are raped, when wives are beaten up by their husbands, when religious minorities are targeted

Where is this honor when men stare women publicly on streets, when daughters are killed even before they come into this world, when little girls are raped, when wives are beaten up by their husbands, when religious minorities are targeted, when a transgender is not treated instantly in a hospital because the doctors are not sure of the ‘gender’? Where is this honor when the same society that killed me for making videos, enjoys watching such videos for their pleasure? But everything I wanted to say is gone with me now. I request you to leave my matter in His hands now. For once, look at your own selves and don’t talk about me.

And to the men who once watched Qandeel Baloch, you might search for any other girl to watch and ridicule now.

Thank you for killing me, at least some people changed their perspectives about me after I died. You helped me get the fame I had longed for. You killed me to restore the honor that I took away from you but let me tell you, my name will be remembered as another girl who was killed for your honor. I will be praised by many. And this society will continue to produce rebels and more Qandeels in the future, no matter what their fates are. You killed me to restore your honor, but you’ll never get that honor. It’s my promise. I’m not dead. I’m alive and my name will always be there because this isn’t over. The war against honor killings will continue to be fought.

Love despite your hate,

Yours truly, Qandeel Baloch.

About the Author: Haniya is a writer, blogger and a photographer.

Cover Image via: Dawn.com