Pineapple pizza sucks. There I said it. My stomach churns when someone places the abomination that is pineapple or more commonly-termed “Hawaiian Style” pizza in front of me.
I loathe this combination of the pizza
With its sweet, juicy pineapple on an otherwise perfectly savory base of tomato sauce and cheese, it’s gag-worthy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love pineapples in various other forms
Like in Piña coladas, sweet and sour chicken, in pineapple sauce for my stuffed chicken breast but that’s because the former is a drink, the second is a gravy and the latter is just a side or accessory, if you may – it does not make or break the dish. But when it comes to pizza, it ruins the pizza dough because it makes the pizza soggy and sweet and something very far from delicious. To add on top of that, cheese and pineapple also do not go together, their tastes contrast which compromises the cheese and what’s pizza without cheese? Nothing.
Don’t think I do not like sweet with salt
I’m in this debate with an open mind. I love many foods that are sweet and salty, but a fruit like a pineapple on pizza just doesn’t fit the bill. It is an insult to the sauce made from fresh, red tomatoes and it does not go along with salty, stringy hot cheese. It also doesn’t do justice to pineapples which do taste delicious, but in the right circumstances like when they’re chilled or char-grilled on their own. Don’t trust me? Go ahead and burn a juicy fruit like that in the oven and let it bleed through the cheese and into the tomato sauce and then into the dough.
Even cheese platters have enough respect for fruits to place them aside…
Cheezus.
Also, let’s talk about pineapple strings…
They get stuck in your teeth. It’s disgusting. Pizza is a communal food – you’re supposed to eat it in front of friends 70% of the time. Would it be fun getting pineapple strings into your mouth and then trying to pull them out with your fingers, only to have someone tell you to learn some manners?
Don’t trust me? How about Gordon Ramsay?
gordon ramsay said pineapple doesn't belong on pizza so case closed thanks very much end of discussion pic.twitter.com/Oj1Cyyn2ls
— paul rudd (@philsadelphia) March 29, 2017
*mic drop*
This is how I feel. You can disagree if you’d like.
Cover image via PNP News and time.com