Editor’s Note: The views expressed here are those of the author’s and MangoBaaz does not endorse or necessarily represents the same.
By: Fatima Tahseen Tirmizi
1. The Chauvinist.
Blatant believer of male superiority, a typical desi Y-chromosome cliche. Thinks show of emotion is being “sissy” and femininity is a handicap.
2. The considers-self-to-be-a-feminist but actually a chauvinist.
These are the men who talk the big talk about misogyny and patriarchy and seemingly hop on the feminist bandwagon but in reality, they are nothing short of the first category.
3. The oily middle-parting hair, dimonte- studded shirt, who knows seven English words.
One of which is “boobs”, others are “chips”, “burgar” and “phone”.
4. The smart ones who will make an effort to make you feel bad about yourself.
This is the one who will tactfully make you feel bad and guilty about every decision you make and ensure you blame yourself.
5. The dumb ones who will make an effort to make you feel bad about yourself.
They have zero substance themselves but yet, somehow manage to make you feel like shit despite that mental shortcoming. And, we let them.
6. The self-esteem crusher.
They will go the extra mile trying to pin-point your problem areas, physically and otherwise. Hide your sisters, hide yourselves.
7. The pervert.
This category finds sadistic pleasure in staring you right, left and center. They also make frequent jokes about your body, cat-call, whistle practically make you uncomfortable under the false notion that they are somehow complimenting you and you should be flattered.
8. The paedophile.
The men who allow their mothers to scout for potential bahus with a decade of an age-gap. Or older men cat-fishing young, impressionable teen girls online. Essentially, this fetish is real and needs to go.
9. The jealous hypocrite.
You’re expected to play it cool when he mentions one ex-girlfriend or is out late hanging out with girls that are “just friends” but God forbid if you do the same.
10. The secret/open domestic abuser.
The worst kind of self-proclaimed Alpha-male who thinks it’s okay for you to suffer from abuse whilst lie to your friends, parents, neighbors that you fell over and hurt yourself. He deserves no respect, no discount and no redemption over this.
11. The compulsive liar.
The lethal kind who win over your heart by making you feel like you’re the only girl in the world and how lucky you are to be his but all those are elaborately decorated lies he tells pretty much every girl. Let’s hope you find out sooner than later.
12. The demander of nudes.
This hormonal specimen thinks it’s his God-given birth right to violate your body, inside his head and otherwise. Disgusting, shameless and is personally offended when you say “no”.
13. The rich one who believes his “riches” to be a personality trait and expect you to swoon.
When you really just want to dislodge the stick from a certain cavity of theirs.
14. The avid-complier of “double-standard policy”
This young individual thinks everything is a go-zone for him but when it comes to girls complying to similar standards, he just can’t deal.
15. The nice guy who cannot handle rejection.
“Friend-zone” him and he just can’t digest that you are the only authority on your emotions. Not one, not two, there are multiple alternate realities – in your head, neither one of them have you two together.
16. The one who chimes “not all men” like a personal mantra whenever given examples.
Source: The Desi Wonder Woman
This category shall not only refuse to understand that the problem isn’t all men, it is just enough men to make every single woman’s life a living hell but shall also use this very phrase to deny representation, a platform and voice to those who truly require it.
17. The “you are right, and perfect, and capable but it’s the society that is wrong and you need protection from me and I trust you but not men around you”.
Source: The Desi Wonder Woman Facebook
It’s his protective instinct that you are somehow expected to fawn over. It eventually takes you ten anniversaries and four kids to realize that he is the modern version of category 1 and 2.
18. The seemingly perfect ones who are in a relationship.
That lucky girl.
19. The actually perfect ones who are unfortunately interested in men.
Source: Samaa Tv
20. Those who are unlike all above categories actually do exist but you never find them because HA HA HA
21. The perfect ones, with the perfect height and hair, nicely built (not balloon muscles), good dress sense, own a car and an apartment, the feminist, the sassy and smart, will call you out on your shit, and be smooth, flirty and chivalrous, at the same time.
Those that are there for you but not in a controlling, suffocating way – with their swoon-worthy smirks and singing-voices.
Side-note: This category is only available in FICTION. We provide them in all forms of written literature.
Sigggh, ladies. Hope you find your Number 21.
Zarra ye bhee check karein: