Growing up desi, many of us were taught with many of the same ideals and rules in life.
1. Respect your parents.
or this happens.
2. Get a good education, get good grades and get a good job.
3. Get married.
Now while many of these are basically engrained in our mind, soul, and bodies (via jooti), as many of us do get older, point number 3 may seem to get a little too real.
But anyway, as soon as the day arrives that your parents have ‘the talk’ with you about marriage, suddenly every conversation revolves around weddings, babies, the fact that they’re getting older and, the question that seems to start every Sunday nashta, ‘Shaadi kab karooOooOgiiiii!?”
It can be quite frustrating, 100% whenever I have to talk about my shaadi with my parents
So, to combat this frustration, I thought I would write out a list of things I want my mother to know about shaadi, from me to her.
1. If I say I’m not ready, I am NOT ready for my shaadi.
This is not something I say just to say. Marriage is a huge commitment. If I know I am not ready, take it as a good sign! It means I am actually thinking about the rest of my life seriously, not throwing the decision away for a big wedding.
2. There is no such thing as the ‘right age.’
Whether it’s 19, 25 or 30, there is no such thing as the ‘right age’ to get married. It’s meant to happen when it happens so don’t worry if I’m too old or too young, ‘log kya kahein gai’ is NOT relevant right now.
3. ‘I love working,’ is not an excuse, it’s a decision.
What is the point of going to school, college and working if I have to throw it away just to get married? Let me enjoy myself and make something of myself while I still can.
4. You can’t raise me in one way and expect me to act in another.
Continuing from the previous point, if you’ve raised me to be strong, independent and smart, please don’t expect me to go against my beliefs now that a potential partner is involved.
5. Don’t tell me ‘he’s an engineer,’ I am not hiring him for my company.
If you do want to introduce me to someone, do NOT lead with his occupation, I am not hiring for a job, I am hiring him for the rest of my life. I want to know what makes him angry and what makes him happy, not his qualifications.
6. Listen to me when I talk to you about my concerns about my shaadi.
We are all on the same side here, we just want everyone to be happy. That being said, when I try and open up to you about my concerns and fears, hear me out. At one point or the other, you know exactly what I’ve been through.
7. I completely understand where you’re coming from about my shaadi but that’s not what I want right now
Please never think I don’t hear what you’re saying when you tell me your concerns. I know you want to see me married and see me happy.
8. Do not compare me to your friend’s daughters, I do not compare you to my friend’s mothers.
No two people are the same and never will be, thank GOD! So it may be easy to compare me to other people but our situations and circumstances and most importantly, personalities – will never be the same.
9. I DO want to get married, someday but my shaadi needs to be on my timeline not yours.
OF COURSE, I want a husband, kids, and a dog. I want the whole happy family picture but only when the time is right.
10. I love you but please stop obsessing over my shaadi.
To all parents out there, Shaadi is a very important part of our lives. For you AND us. Here are just a few things to keep in mind when it comes to choosing the path of our lives, together. Love you.
Do any of you have anything to add to this? Would you agree? Disagree? Let us know what you think in the comments below! Love you.
Cover photo source: Shiny Toy Guns