We’ve heard over and over again about men marrying again because their wives aren’t keeping them happy enough or satisfied enough, or they’re just bored with life, or they want to work while taking care of the house, or for any number of reasons. It boils down to the fact that, because our country has given men the right to marrying four times, they tend to get carried away with that. They begin to find excuses to get married again, whether out of the ‘goodness of their hearts’ or because they think they’re ‘earning sawab’ by marrying widows or divorcees.

It’s always been an underlying issue that has never had anything said about it. Until now.

Areeba Shahid, a student from IBA, Karachi posted a status, written by her friend Sakina Hunaid, on Facebook that was subsequently shared over 2000 times.

Sakina looks at the whole issue from the flipside. And she definitely gets you thinking: what if it actually were the other way around.

What if wives weren’t okay with their husbands wanting to work after getting married

She writes, “he is increasingly forcing me to let him work and avail his education despite the fact that I am earning well and can easily afford him. I really don’t understand his bullshit about being independent”

We see cases all around the country where a highly qualified woman gets married into a family that isn’t okay with her pursuing her career. This is especially hypocritical as mothers-in-law usually prefer their bahus to have degrees, particularly doctors, but are completely against them setting up a practice after they get married. Of course, kiunke phir bachey kaun sambhale?

The status is both hilarious and sad at the same time because it stands so true for our society.

On speaking to her about the article, Sakina said, “I’ve always been extremely sensitive about gender issues and it breaks me to see how women have always been subjected to unrealistic and unfair expectations. For many people, it is very hard to understand gender roles until and unless they’re reversed. So many people found that status to be disturbing or just “odd” and this shows how much these gender roles are ingrained into us.” 

This is what she says:

‘My husband… is making it impossible for me to peacefully continue this marriage and as a result, I and my family are suffering.’

‘I really don’t understand this bullshit about being independent. I cannot allow him to go to office because of how men are harrassed!’

‘He is pressurising me to live without my parents in a separate home! I have lived with my parents for 34 years and I cannot imagine how he could ask for something like this!’

‘It’s been 6 years and he still cannot manage the house. Doesn’t know how to cook or keep it clean. I come home tired from work and the dinner isn’t ready. Doesn’t even wait for me to come and eat.’

‘I am thinking of marrying another man as I can easily afford two husbands. This might even make him realise his mistake and take out arrogance from him. There is a 25 year old in my neighbourhood whose wife died within 1 month of marriage. I think I should marry him as it is a good deed.’

At the end of it all, Sakina said that feminism has been extremely misunderstood. By reversing gender roles, she wasn’t trying to say that reversed gender roles are the way to go. It was merely done to illustrate a point. And illustrate a point she did! Major props to you, Sakina, for highlighting an issue that we always knew about but were forced to never speak of. So on behalf of women being oppressed in a marriage, all around the world, thank you.

This lady knows what’s up, and she highlighted most issues present within a marriage with one single status update. She is asking for suggestions to get out of this mire, so fire away.

P.S. Here’s one issue from our side:

Ek baar bachey ho jayein, sub issues theek hojayein ge.

Which unfortunately leads to more unfortunate events like marital rape.

Sharing their thoughts about marriage, on the whole, and where we are going wrong with the idea of the institution of marriage that has led to such physical and psychological oppression, the ladies told MangoBaaz, “I think it all depends on an individual. It is not wrong to be a housewife or a full-time mom (as long as it isn’t conditioned) and it is also okay to be a househusband or a full-time father. It depends on the individuals and what do they want from life.

Personally, I would prefer complete equality. My career is important to me and so is my family. I would prefer a partner who shares same views and doesn’t support these sexist norms A lot of oppression is done under the name of religion (and it is often the misinterpretation of religion) It is important that we come out of the misconception that gender roles are “natural”. They’re not. They’ve been imposed on us.”

Here’s Areeba’s complete status

Thank you Areeba, and let’s just hope things change for the better in 2017.