We have to talk about the god-awful epoch in Lollywood that needs to be extinguished from the human race; the era where Pakistani films were so excruciatingly painful to watch, it felt like someone was stabbing your insides and drowning your eyes in acid (I’m sorry, not sorry for being so weirdly descriptive and vivid about this). From uncomfortable touching to profound hip thrusts, it’s very obvious that our overtly sexualized industry was making up for all the prevailing frustration that exists in society.
So without further ado, here are 11 of infinity WTF Lollywood songs (you have been warned).
11. ‘Tharki Puraana Mainu Lagna Aye Tu’ – ‘Zameen Ke Khuda’
Three gorgeous women parading around men twice their age in a classic mujra… it’s so bad you can’t look away because you’re witnessing the most confusing amalgam of a culture clash; Arab bodyguards, sleazy Pakistani mustache-ed men and three voluptuous women shaking everything imaginable in skimpy sequinned lehengas. 1
10. ‘Doodh Pee Lai Zalima’ – ‘Kala Gujjar’
Oh boy, the name itself is honestly vomit-inducing enough. Regardless, it’s rather entertaining watching Moammar Rana act like a slight nymphomaniac as he spends around 90 percent of the song burying his face into Sana Fakhar’s bosoms. I mean, talk about the art of subtlety (something very much lacking in this song).
9. ‘Nashiley Terey Nain Wey’ – ‘Ghundi Run’
One word. Boobs. Like, all you see is this lady shaking her boobies. So like, if you’re into that then go for it. Oh and surprise surprise, Shaan’s in this one too LOL – so it’s either Moammar Rana or Shaan.
8. ‘Uff Toofaani Raat’ – ‘Budha Sher’
This is honestly the most disturbing song yet. While Resham undoubtedly looks gorgeous, it’s hard to appreciate her beauty that’s stripped away with a very hairy-chested Babar Ali who is preoccupied poking her bellybutton and putting his finger in her mouth…It’s five minutes of messy foreplay, like REALLY messy foreplay. RIP our eyes.
7. ‘Manji Ik Tey Jawaanian Do’ – ‘Guddu Badshah’
My oh my, so this has Khusboo and Rambo frolick in a farm as they occasionally bounce off a charpai. She’s flexible – you get that watching the video, and while it’s absolutely grotesque to watch, it’s interesting to think of the direction behind it. Special mention to the choreography too, bravo. Truly original!
6. ‘Beera Kurti Da Ik Ik Khol Ve’ – Zidi Rajpoot’
I think by now if you’re still alive and surviving this article, you’d have noticed that almost every song takes place in some exotic outdoor bedroom (we’re really not expecting anything with thought).
5. ‘Muth Rakh Muth Ve’ – ‘Thakur 420’
UGHGUHGHUGHGHGHGH okay WE GET IT, YOU ONLY HIRE VERY WELL-ENDOWED WOMEN IN YOUR FILMS. Jeeeeez, don’t rub it in!
4. ‘Hai Zalima Meri Jaan Jalay’ – ‘Honey Moon’
The first few seconds of this song ruined my
day month year life, and they probably will ruin yours too. The English sound effects in the background were impressive but were lost to all the…touching. I’ll give Nida the benefit of the doubt that she really knows her hair flipping! The man is as per usual, a prop in the song.
3. ‘Pappiyan De Paisay Vakhray’ – ‘Zidi Rajpoot’
Oh hey, Shaan we missed you, buddy… This song surprisingly isn’t sexual at all…I’M TOTALLY JOKING LOL HAVE A WATCH.
2. ‘Main Suha Jora Paaya’ – ‘Suha Jora’
The set in this song is admirable, and while the beginning showcases a creative twist in the usual ‘bedroom’ trope, it quickly crumbles to an uncomfortable chaos when it just ends up being Nargis and Shaan being overly touchy.
1. ‘Challi Ni Challi Ajj Jangli Kabootri’ – ‘Butt Badshah’
What’s the best way to wrap this list up? Well, a song with Resham shaking her hips to Shaan!
Are you scarred yet? We have more…