‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’ was the first Bollywood film I ever saw at the cinema. I was around five years old, and it was your usual family trip to the cinema (specifically Cineworld, Feltham – and for all those who’ve lived in London, you’ll know how gloriously desi this particular cinema was) on a Saturday night. I remember very little, yet one thing unraveled forth like a blaring clarity – I was in love with the film walking out, and my childhood was shaped entirely around the film in all entirety.

I spent most of my forsaken adolescence days dreaming of a love like that of Rahul and Anjali’s, not really diving into the depths of all the problematic tendencies the film projected because hey, I was a child; a child who got caught up in the incredibly misconstrued and malformed love that Karan Johar crafted. The reason I use such harsh words is simply because I watched ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’ again, this time as the somewhat intelligent 25-year-old I am (lol), and cannot fathom how utterly ridiculous it is. Here are just a few moments that literally made me go “WTF was Karan thinking?”

When Anjali, in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, feels the need to change herself to suit Rahul’s warped version of the ideal woman

Anjali moving away JUST because one boy didn’t love her back – COME ON ANJALI GROW A PAIR!

When Rahul confessed that he loved Tina, Anjali couldn’t take the heartbreak, so naturally, she ran away, teaching all us frivolous girls to not face the storm but instead to bolt. It’s a bit unrealistic and incredibly idiotic to suddenly pack up and leave because of a broken heart, and honestly, it’s harder when you’re in high school or college because like, where on earth would you go MID SEMESTER? I’ve suffered countless heartbreaks where I honestly felt like I wouldn’t be able to breathe again, but life goes on, and time really is medicinal.

Rahul was a misogynistic pig, in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, who fell for Tina solely based on her looks and was a cheating asshole (sorry not sorry)

Remember the whole ‘friendship band’ thing he had going on? Rahul was basically dating half his college but stopped the moment he lay eyes on Tina. While he knew nothing about her, he fell in love with her right there and then – and although Anjali was always secretly besotted by him, he never thought twice about her.

If you’re a tomboy like Anjali was, then no one can love you – that’s exactly what ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’ was promoting, and it honestly makes me sick to the core

If you think of the premise behind the rain scene, you’ll actually Rahul turning magician and caress the air with a piano version of the film’s iconic title track (that initially brought Rahul and Tina’s love to life)…

I used to relish in this magnificent scene, what with the rain pouring down on two characters who looked absolutely sizzling. So imagine my surprise watching it again, all these years later and being so put off

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai showed that Rahul was violent AF like what on earth was wrong with him?

He was aggressive at most, both verbally and physically and also displayed significant amounts of abusive traits, both in his younger life and in adulthood. It’s almost like he had some really odd fetish, slapping Anjali around – I’m sorry Rahul but you can’t slap someone, even if it’s a playful slap (and the number of times you slapped Anjali was utterly shameful) *cue ‘Game Of Thrones’ shame resounding endlessly from here onwards for you Rahul.*

Aman halts the wedding, and Anjali doesn’t even put up a fight – so much for trying to keep the plot remotely realistic in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai!

I’ve already keeled over from stress by the time the film reaches this absurd climax. Whatever happened to karma in this film? Where is Rahul’s rightful punishment for all the pain he inflicted on Anjali? AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH ANJALI FOR JUST ACCEPTING ALL THAT AMAN SAID? Throw us a bone here for the love of humanity!

Rahul jumping onto Tina’s bedroom in the middle of the night – that isn’t awkward at all is it

Once a boy, always a boy – Rahul suddenly seeing Anjali in a different light the moment he lays eye upon her without her dupatta draped over her tummy (and cleavage)

I mean, I’m all for these iconic wind-dazzling scenes that plunge you into a vivaciously fictitious world, but as the song ‘Ladki Badi Anjani Hai’ ended, we see Anjali’s saree unravel a bit of skin and then the camera turns to Rahul, who’s suddenly in love. Good god Karan what are you teaching us. I always found it so romantic growing up, I feel awfully betrayed by you, sir.

…The scene in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai where three stars appear in a triangle…*all logic thrown out the window*

I never knew the stars actually signified a love triangle. Well, they did and I applaud the audacity behind how obvious it was made.

‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’ wasn’t iconic. It was a facade that overshadowed an incredibly disturbing collage of mishandled situations.

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Cover image via: zeenews.india.com