How My Arranged Marriage Taught Me The Struggle Of Learning To Live With A Stranger

By Maliha Khan | 26 May, 2019

My arranged marriage taught me so much

An arranged marriage may not be the “modern” favorite but it’s a reality for many in our part of the world. For the majority of my life, I have had my own bedroom. I mean it wasn’t huge, but I always had my own space. I have never been forced to share and honestly, I was never big on sharing either. I used to get into actual physical altercations with my sisters over them “borrowing” my makeup and clothes.

I mean, granted, I am the oldest and I was the first one to get a job and pay for my own things, so it did make sense for them to borrow from me. I just didn’t want to share in case things got ruined or they never returned them.



Well, after 21 years of having my own space and room, I got married and now have a roommate thanks to my arranged marriage

It didn’t happen as abruptly as the title insinuates, but you get what I mean. I was not a fan at first, but I have grown into the idea over time. We moved early on in our relationship, which meant having to pick a color both of us liked for the walls. Then, we had to get furniture that suited both of our personalities. Storing our things in an efficient way to ensure we had an equal amount of space was also a factor.



It worked out for the most part because we are both into the rustic, minimalistic look.

My husband even went as far as looking up ideas on Pinterest and building furniture out of solid wood, because he’s a nerd like that (and I loved being his sidekick). Picking out a neutral color and the furniture didn’t end up being the hard part – the hard part was learning how to coexist.

Source: Maliha Khan


There is no such thing as alone time in any marriage but more so in my arranged marriage – during the early days

Sometimes after a long day of work, all I would want to do is lay in bed and just relax, but living with a husband, that isn’t always possible. There can be a million things he has on his mind that he has to do and errands to run and guess who’s his errand-running partner? Yup, you guessed it right, it’s me.

Along with no alone time, you are constantly in each other’s space. I tend to work from home a lot, which means my bedroom is my office. I like to work in a clean and organized environment, or else I go crazy. Working from home means the work follows you into family time, so once my husband comes home from work he puts his things all over the place and leaves his shoes on the rug, which are all things that drive me up the wall.


With two people occupying all areas of the house, it is impossible for things to stay clean because it seems like at least one of us is using one area of the house at all times. Being the clean freak that I am, I am constantly cleaning and picking up his messes. I tend to snap at least once a week from frustration. Welcome to the married life folks.



Different lifestyles and habits are hard to deal with when it comes to living together and it was particularly apparent in my arranged marriage

I am such a night owl that as soon as the day ends, my brain seems to become extremely active all of a sudden. I get all of my creative work done later in the day, which is when my husband is finally home from work and has time to spend with me. Since our body clocks don’t work the same way, it can be difficult to get in quality time, but we still manage to make it work.

You also get to share finances. You get to put your money together and divide it amongst yourselves. Basically, that means my bad spending habit is now my husband’s problem as well, as much as he dislikes that. Since I wear the “responsible” pants in the relationship, I have to figure out finances and money each month which is another thing on my plate that I don’t need.



When you buy food for yourself, it’s mandatory to ask your spouse and ~share~

I used to just be able to get up and go get anything that I was craving. Now just to be nice and considerate, I have to ask him if he wants something and even if he doesn’t he always ends up taking bites out of my food (you know how big man bites are). Like I said before, I am just not the sharing type so this whole living together thing can really suck sometimes.

Don’t even get me started on when I buy snacks and desserts for myself. By the time I want to eat one of those things, they are usually all finished to close to being finished, courtesy of my husband. Most of our fights revolve around food if you can’t tell already.


Sharing a bathroom might just be the worst of all. Toilet seats left up, hair everywhere (yes men shed hair too), dirty socks, men using feminine body products, and so many other complaints that deserve an article on their own.


I have complained enough about having to live with my husband, but there are a lot of positives that come with it as well.

I have a best friend, who is always around. I have a permanent ear that can listen to me at all times and give me advice and just simply be there for me. There is always somebody to cuddle with or someone to keep me warm in the wintertime. We get to stay up late watching movies and talking, also when I get super thirsty in the middle of the night all I have to do is nudge my husband a little and he gets water for me right away. I mean that’s pretty much what living the life is like right?


Have you had to share your living space and with someone else? Let me know!


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