When you attend funerals, you expect the atmosphere to be somber and grim. And for the most part, it is. After all, it’s a tragic happening. However, there are always certain types of people at Pakistani funerals that don’t have a great grasp of that very concept. There are always a few people who believe that funerals are just like any other gathering – except here, you need to control the pitch of your voice.

To help those people out, here’s a list of a few things you definitely shouldn’t be doing at funerals:

1. Making it all about you

While you may be associated with the deceased or their family, you have to remember that it’s primarily their loss. You get to grieve, too. You just shouldn’t be grieving in a way that makes the family feel worse, or shifts the entire focus on you.

2. Spending your time there while stuck to your phone screen

Theek hai, chalo – sometimes there’s a genuine emergency. But if your phone’s constantly beeping and blaring throughout the funeral procession and it’s not even on silent, thori toh sharam karlo. 

3. Hunting for rishtas

Rishta aunties are known to have no chill. They’re go-getters – resilient leaders in the world of setting their eyes on a goal and achieving it. However, a funeral is really not the ideal or appropriate setting to be fulfilling this responsibility that they have chosen to shoulder.

4. Pulling a Zubaida Apa and sharing totkay and recipes at the time of grief

You may have a ton of great advice, but a funeral is hardly the occasion to be dishing it out, you know? Funerals are for mourning, not your treasure chest of totkas.

5. Asking your doctor friend there to help you with that rash on your neck

Again, funerals really aren’t the time to be discussing that one rash that won’t go away, or how you’re losing hair because of the shampoo you’re using. There’s a time and place for everything.

6. Bad-mouthing the deceased

You’d think people don’t do this, but people find horrible things to say about the deceased while attending their funerals. This is plain sad and wrong. Hypocrite toh na bano yaar. 

7. Talking shit in general

Funerals aren’t the place to congregate and gossip. If you’re already doing that everywhere else, you could just hold back when it comes to a place of mourning.

8. Taking selfies

Why do people take selfies at funerals with other people? Or with the dead? Why are people like this? Kyun?

9. Showcasing your humor

It’s great to make people laugh. And some people do tend to use humor as a coping mechanism. If you’re trying to cheer up a friend, that’s great. But if you’re about to take out your phone and show people a video someone forwarded on WhatsApp, or if you’re going to sit in a corner with a few friends and laugh loudly from time to time – I’d hold out till I’ve left the procession.

10. Discussing your joras

We get it, you get all your clothes at Khaadi. Theek hai. That’s a great story, too. How about you save it for a time when there isn’t a corpse and a grieving family in the room, maybe? Just a thought.

11. Being tharki on the deceased’s chikni cousin ki beti

Where would the world be without tharki uncles? But uncles, funeral ke waqt toh thora easy ho jayein. 

12. Forcing yourself on the family if you’re not super close with them

If you’re not super close to the family and they wish to not be bothered too much, then it’s always a great idea to take a step back and let them grieve peacefully. It’s also not a great idea to linger around too long, in case they want some privacy.

13. Asking “roti kab khulay gi” loudly

Pakistanis and food have an unbreakable and undying bond. Khaaney ke liye kahin bhi chale jayeinge. But if you’re at a funeral just for the food, at least try to make it look like you actually care. And maybe try not to ask ke khaana kab lagega. Mayyat hai, maayon nahi.

If you’re someone who does any of the things mentioned here when you attend a funeral – please stop. Khuda ko maano. You can do all of this anywhere else. Funerals ko bakhsh do, please. Thanks.

Cover Image via: ZaidAli T / YouTube