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Featured | Humor

This Dude's Story About How He Learned Not To Ask Women Why They Aren’t Fasting Is Hilarious

By Sajeer Shaikh | 28 May, 2017

Ramazan just started, which means that girls everywhere are all geared up to awkwardly shrug as they’re asked whether or not they’ve kept all theĀ rozas.Ā Also, if you’re not praying, you’ll definitely be asked why. NeverĀ mind the fact that it’s common sense why some women aren’t fasting or praying. People still ask. Repeatedly. Every year. Still don’t get why.Ā Perhaps that’s why this Twitter user’s story about confronting his non-roza keeping bhabhiĀ about why she wasn’t fasting is downright hilarious.

 

Here’s the story of how this guy on Twitter learned not to ask ladies why they aren’t fasting

Okay so let me tell you about how I learned not to ask a woman why she doesn't pray.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

He starts by setting the scene and even before we jump right into it, we’re like “Oh, 2007. Understood.”

Peep this, it's 2007, Avril Lavigne's Album is number 1 in the charts. I was an edgy 12 year old big man just started secondary school.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

He gives a little more background info so it feels like we’re practically there

It's the first week of Ramadan, and my entire family are at my Chacha's house. The whole crew, my cousins and their spouses all here.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

He’s busy helping around

I'm a good lad, keeping my fasts. Iftaar was at like 6pm. Those were the good old days. I'm helping the aunties out in the kitchen.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

Suddenly his watchful eyes fall upon hisĀ bhabhi

I peep my Bhabi scran a whole samosa whilst everyone else wasn't looking. A WHOLE SAMOSA. LIKE R U D E MANNA NOT EVEN FEARING ALLAH.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

However, he decides to let it slide

But I ain't no snitch so I let it slide. I glared at her so she know that i know wagwan. I feel like I got some A grade dirt on this woman. pic.twitter.com/eRAYentOQg

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

He then vocalizesĀ his struggle about waiting for the azaan

So the rest of the evening is relatively uneventful. I'm there with an empty stomach and a parched mouth. This shit is hard for a tubby kid.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

He gives the readers some insight into why rozas must’ve been particularly hard for himĀ 

This is me around that age. So you can imagine what life is like for me rn. I get put on the kiddie table. Smh there's no biryani here. pic.twitter.com/Jm1uaUmjkr

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

He builds up to how he was already on edge

I'm triggered. I'm fuming. My mum sees this and brings my fat ass some biryani before I made a fat kid scene.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

Iftar time rolls around

Anyway, I'm there eating iftaar with the peasants my (younger cousins). The adhan drops from this radio thing my Aunty had. Pre iPhone days.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

And he is all too eager to fulfill his obligatory duties

I go into salafi police mode. I jump out my chair, knock my drink off the table and run to do wudhu.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

When he gets back, though, all hell breaks loose

I come back and see everyone is lining up for salah. Except for one woman. Guess who.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

He, in his own words, goes ‘ape shit’ over her not keeping rozas AND not offering namaz

At this point I go ape shit. I go up to her and start screaming like "HAVE YOU NO SHAME?" "YOUR FAST ISNT EVEN ACCEPTED AND NOW U DON PRAY?"

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

Which obviously leads to a whole lot of embarrassmentĀ for everyone involved

My mum is turning bright red. She tells me to shut up. I'm still a triggered lil fat shit. I keep going in: "DO U EVEN KNO HOW TO PRAY?"

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

His outburst is dealt with

My mum pulls me away by my lil fat ear into the side room and slaps me up. Life is deep. Mans just trying to get his fam on the manhaj.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

But he still needed answers

No ones explaining to me why this lil kuffar got away with this. The car journey home is silent.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

Which he soon receives

My parents stage an intervention for my lil salafi ass. All the way up until terawih my parents are telling me about the female body.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

Finally, he states that the answers leave him scarredĀ 

To this day I'm scarred. I can't even look at that Bhabi in the eyes.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

The entire encounter is downright comical. It’s also relatable because this has happened to many of us on numerous occasions. We’ve either been the bhabhi, trying to score a samosa while no one’s looking, or we’ve been the 2007 version of this Twitter user.

 

However, the most important message to take away from this encounter, other than the fact that we need more awareness about the female body, is this:

Moral of the story is. Chill man. Don't concern yourselves with other people's Islam.

— MOLEX (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017

 

Ramazan Mubarak, guys. Live and let live.

 

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#FAST #Fasting #fasts #just Muslim things #keeping a roza #keeping rozas #Menstruation #periods #Ramadan #Ramazan
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