Ramazan just started, which means that girls everywhere are all geared up to awkwardly shrug as they’re asked whether or not they’ve kept all the rozas. Also, if you’re not praying, you’ll definitely be asked why. Never mind the fact that it’s common sense why some women aren’t fasting or praying. People still ask. Repeatedly. Every year. Still don’t get why. Perhaps that’s why this Twitter user’s story about confronting his non-roza keeping bhabhi about why she wasn’t fasting is downright hilarious.
Here’s the story of how this guy on Twitter learned not to ask ladies why they aren’t fasting
Okay so let me tell you about how I learned not to ask a woman why she doesn't pray.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
He starts by setting the scene and even before we jump right into it, we’re like “Oh, 2007. Understood.”
Peep this, it's 2007, Avril Lavigne's Album is number 1 in the charts. I was an edgy 12 year old big man just started secondary school.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
He gives a little more background info so it feels like we’re practically there
It's the first week of Ramadan, and my entire family are at my Chacha's house. The whole crew, my cousins and their spouses all here.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
He’s busy helping around
I'm a good lad, keeping my fasts. Iftaar was at like 6pm. Those were the good old days. I'm helping the aunties out in the kitchen.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
Suddenly his watchful eyes fall upon his bhabhi
I peep my Bhabi scran a whole samosa whilst everyone else wasn't looking. A WHOLE SAMOSA. LIKE R U D E MANNA NOT EVEN FEARING ALLAH.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
However, he decides to let it slide
But I ain't no snitch so I let it slide. I glared at her so she know that i know wagwan. I feel like I got some A grade dirt on this woman. pic.twitter.com/eRAYentOQg
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
He then vocalizes his struggle about waiting for the azaan
So the rest of the evening is relatively uneventful. I'm there with an empty stomach and a parched mouth. This shit is hard for a tubby kid.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
He gives the readers some insight into why rozas must’ve been particularly hard for him
This is me around that age. So you can imagine what life is like for me rn. I get put on the kiddie table. Smh there's no biryani here. pic.twitter.com/Jm1uaUmjkr
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
He builds up to how he was already on edge
I'm triggered. I'm fuming. My mum sees this and brings my fat ass some biryani before I made a fat kid scene.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
Iftar time rolls around
Anyway, I'm there eating iftaar with the peasants my (younger cousins). The adhan drops from this radio thing my Aunty had. Pre iPhone days.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
And he is all too eager to fulfill his obligatory duties
I go into salafi police mode. I jump out my chair, knock my drink off the table and run to do wudhu.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
When he gets back, though, all hell breaks loose
I come back and see everyone is lining up for salah. Except for one woman. Guess who.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
He, in his own words, goes ‘ape shit’ over her not keeping rozas AND not offering namaz
At this point I go ape shit. I go up to her and start screaming like "HAVE YOU NO SHAME?" "YOUR FAST ISNT EVEN ACCEPTED AND NOW U DON PRAY?"
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
Which obviously leads to a whole lot of embarrassment for everyone involved
My mum is turning bright red. She tells me to shut up. I'm still a triggered lil fat shit. I keep going in: "DO U EVEN KNO HOW TO PRAY?"
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
His outburst is dealt with
My mum pulls me away by my lil fat ear into the side room and slaps me up. Life is deep. Mans just trying to get his fam on the manhaj.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
But he still needed answers
No ones explaining to me why this lil kuffar got away with this. The car journey home is silent.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
Which he soon receives
My parents stage an intervention for my lil salafi ass. All the way up until terawih my parents are telling me about the female body.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
Finally, he states that the answers leave him scarred
To this day I'm scarred. I can't even look at that Bhabi in the eyes.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
The entire encounter is downright comical. It’s also relatable because this has happened to many of us on numerous occasions. We’ve either been the bhabhi, trying to score a samosa while no one’s looking, or we’ve been the 2007 version of this Twitter user.
However, the most important message to take away from this encounter, other than the fact that we need more awareness about the female body, is this:
Moral of the story is. Chill man. Don't concern yourselves with other people's Islam.
— mo 🍋 (@lemonslip) May 25, 2017
Ramazan Mubarak, guys. Live and let live.
13 Things People Say If You’re Not Fasting In Ramazan
13 Struggles All Girls Face When They’re On Their Period During Ramazan