We Dare You To Read This And Still Want To Get Married

By Haadia Paracha | 16 Aug, 2016

Let’s see if you wanna get married after this

As businesses become smarter by removing the middleman, desi matchmaking process needs an uplift: remove your mothers and sisters and sisters in law.

 

The impossible benchmarks set by your mothers are not the same ideals as yours and definitely don’t help in making you want to get married

While sharafat might be the epitome of your mother’s search, perhaps you wouldn’t want someone whose dating pool has nothing to show for.

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The mothers size up every inch of the girl’s bodies as if taking notes of the number of fertilizable eggs that can be harvested with your alpha swimmers.

Her supersonic vision with laser beams can cut through diamond.

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Her own mother briefs her on which chair to sit on for maximum light effect.

God forbid she looks the slightest shade of brown.

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Her Facebook inbox is full of web links to desi totkay, turmeric, honey, apple cider, baking soda.

hbihen

 

And all beauty standards are shoved down her throat as ritualistically as shaam ki chaaye.

Cheeni kum.

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What she will be wearing becomes a family affair with her Nani holding the ultimate veto card. 

Nai yeh na pehno, yeh tumhay thora healthy dikha raha hay.

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Aunties walk in and walk out, She’s a part of an elaborate shindig.

“Dance, you little monkey”

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It’s like speed-dating except you put a ring on it. Eventually. Or not.

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If she dare nitpick over any guy, she instantly gets told off: “Khud dhoond leti”

As if floundering around with an eligible bachelor was part of her five year plan.

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And even if it was, plans can blow up right at your face.

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She learns to compartmentalize. Deal with it. It’s what everyone has to go through at one point in life or the other.

Natural process hay, beta. Apnay ghar wali hojao. Farz aada kerna hay, beta.

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You get to pick and choose. 

Your mother calls all the shots.

She’s merely a spectator in her own life.

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Cover Image via: Unique Films

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